the model

fifty one

 Once the taxi dropped me off, I rushed into Louis' home. Running through the hallways, I bursted into the guest room. Not really caring if it made a loud bang as the door hit the wall. I yanked off my jacket. Threw it on the bed alongside with my phone and wallet.

I roughly wiped at my cheeks. Wiping away the hot, angry, frustrated tears that fell as soon as I left the taxi. I felt sparks in my chest. I wanted to scream. I wanted to scream and Louis. Scream at myself. Scream at the world. I wanted to let the world know how I feel, but no one ever listened.

The more I stood in the room and dawdled, the more upset I got. Just standing there, thinking about how my life is, pissed me off. I let out a muffled shrill, my lips tightly closed, enveloping my screams. I walked over to the drawer. Pulled it open and wrenched out the journal.

The hurt in my heart wouldn't go away. I needed to know that I wasn't wasting my time here. That Louis wasn't just messing with me. That he feels something, anything, for me.

I flipped through the pages. Light waves of air hitting my face. The smell of cinnamon seeping through the slightly opened door mixed with the smell of the paper. I stopped. My heart stopped as I saw a word written in big letters.

September 24, 2016.

WEDDING.

My eyes were so close to reading the line under it, but I stopped. I realized my heart beat had quickened. My palms started to sweat. I was afraid of what was written. But once my eyes saw the first word, I couldn't stop.

Natalie called me Mr. Four Rounds. I felt pretty proud of myself. But not as proud as I should be. I intended to go to the wedding, find Alexis, apologize to her, and be a "gentleman." But that didn't turn out. I ended chasing her around the garden, taking her upstairs, and fucking her.

I missed her. Alexis. I missed her body. The way her skin feels under my hand as I touched her. The way her curves fit perfectly into my hand as if she was made for me. I missed the smell of her hair when she would flip it over her shoulder and the scent would fill the air. And truth be told, I missed her annoying, whiny, stubborn, infuriating self.

But, of course, as it always has been between us, something went wrong. Alexis knows, she knows, that I am possessive, especially over her. I saw how the bartender was eyeing her. I told her not to interact with him because it would fucking piss me off. But what does she do? She does the Alexis thing she always does. Not listen. Ignore me.

Do I want to be like this? Quick to be upset over everything Alexis does? Fuck no. But I can't fucking help but be like that. I don't even want to say what she did with that damn bartender because I just want to forget about it. But I left. I couldn't keep my anger in anymore. I wanted to lash out. Argue with her. Tell her to stop purposely upsetting me. Instead, I might have embarrassed her. Said a few things then left. Make her feel my pain.

Well, I did feel his pain. Because once he left, I felt like a stupid fucking idiot. I threw my head back against the pillow. Wallowing in my emotions as I remembered that night. All the things I felt rushed back into me. Making me ten times worse. I groaned, flipped over on the bed, and turned the next page.

I furrowed my eyebrows, narrowed my eyes, and slightly pouted my lips as I saw the next page. It was almost entirely blank. All it had was the date and two words.

November 1, 2016.

Today.

NO

"Today" was scratched out twice. Two deep lines scratched across the letters. "No" was written in a permanent marker. Big and bold underneath "today." This was the least Louis has ever written. It left me wanting more. Wanting to know what he meant by "today." What was he going to do? What was supposed to happened that day? Why did he not go through with it?

Unsatisfied with that entry, I flipped to the next page. It had the same thing.

November 7, 2016.

Today.
NO

But this entry had something written on the back. I could see the pen bleed through the paper. I flipped the page and read it.

Get a fucking grip, Tomlinson. Get on with it. No one will know. Just you. Just do it. You don't have to be ashamed, you don't have to tell anyone.

It was written in an angry manner. His letters were all messy, crossing over each other. The whole page looked messy. A million thoughts came to mind, but I ignored them. Not wanting to dwell on something just now.

I flipped to the next page. And the next. And the next. They were all the same.

November 18, 2016.

Today.
No

November 21, 2016.

Today.
No no no

November 29, 2016.

Today???
Fuck, no

December 3, 2016.

TODAY!!!!
no

The more I read, the more I wanted to know what. What was supposed to happen? What did that intend hold? What caused him to not do it? And why hasn't he done it yet?

I slowly crawled underneath the covers. My feet touching the cool fabric of the comforter. I kicked a few times, getting it loose from being tucked. I brought the journal underneath the covers. My fingers tracing the letters of my name that Louis had wrote. My mind some other place.

I took a quick glance at the clock. It was around six thirty. I suddenly felt tired. Rain clouds rolled in and the sky became dim. I turned around, my back facing the door. I face the window. Watching as the rain started to fall.

The soft pitter patter of rain drops hitting the window lulled me into a relaxed state. Making it so easy for me to fall asleep. I felt my eyes finally close as I heard the front door open. Louis' voice traveled through the hallway and through the slightly opened door. "Alexis?" And as I fell asleep, I hoped that Louis felt the same way about me as I feel do about him.

A/N:

Hey guys!!

I hope this chapter wasn't too boring for ya. I hope you enjoyed it!

If you got notifications that the previous chapters had been updated, it's because I had to fix the journal dates. I wanted it to kind of line up with the actual, real dates. So, don't worry. I didn't dramatically change anything haha.

For an update: 100 reads, 65 votes, 40 comments.

Happy Louis Eve LOL I can't believe he turns 25 tomorrow

Have a great weekend!

love u cuties xx