The rise and fall of yoully

Can't Do This Anymore... PT:3

Lilly:

Yousef was right.... Sort of. I screwed up so bad this time. I'm so fucking stupid!!! How can you put work over your daughter?? Especially after she just started calling you mommy? Stupid stupid stupid Lilly. I swore I'd never let anything hurt her and now I'm the person who's causing her pain. No child should ever doubt their parents love for them.

After Yousef's Mini speech I realized how much of a workaholic I really am. My god, I hurt my baby girl and the only man I Truly loved... I know I got mad when Yousef said I was a bad mom but it's true. A mom's job isn't in the kitchen but she's usually the one that keeps the family together. She's the heart of the family. Not only have I been a bad mom but also a sucky wife. I admitted to Yousef that I have feelings for him but I haven't made any type of move on him and god knows he won't make the first move. How did I screw up this bad? Instead of hating myself I should go and try to make amends. My mom always told me when you make mistakes, there are only three things you should ever do about it: admit it, learn from it, and don't repeat it.

I went to Arial's room and pecked in to see if she was still up, which she wasn't, she was fast asleep. She sleeps the same way Lauren used to sleep, on her belly. I would always ask Lauren how she sleeps on her belly and not have her boobs hurt. Her reply would always be "what boobs?". I guess that's one thing Arial got from her mom. I sat down at the edge of Arial's bed and brushed her hair with my figures.

"I'm sorry sweetie. I promise to be a better mom and I promise to find a way to deal with my work. I love you baby girl, you and your daddy are the only light in my world and I can't lose that. I promise I'll make it up to you love." I said as I watched her sleep.

She was my daughter, she deserves a mother who cares for her and loves her unconditionally. That's what her real mother would have wanted. I kissed the top of Arial's head and said "I love you. Never doubt that for a second. Have pleasant dreams my princess". I pulled the covers so that her shoulders were covered and tiptoed out of her room.

I debated whether or not I should go to Yousef's room and apologize. I don't know why I act like a teenage girl when it comes to Yousef! I'm a grown married woman, he's my husband for crying out loud! I can do whatever I damn well please! But I'm so shyyyyyy..... Maybe I should just go to bed and act like everything is normal between us tomorrow morning. No! you made a mistake and upset him, I need to own up to it and apologize. Humble used to always say that a relationship is like a house. When a lightbulb burns out, you don't go and buy a new house, you fix the lightbulb. So now I should fix the lightbulb.

I walked down the hallway to Yousef's room. His door was open which means he was still up. I peeked into his room and saw that He was laying down in bed on his Mac. I waked into his room but he didn't seem to notice. I knocked on the door which finally got his attention.

"You left your office and it's only 10? If your here for an apology you won't get one" he said without bothering to look me in the eye.

Wow I really pissed him off. I walked around his be to the other side of the bed and got in. I sat down next to him and rested my head down on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I messed up. You were right" I said.

He turned his head a looked at me as if analyzing something. "Are you sick or something?" He said putting his hand to my forehead to check if I had a fever.

I slapped his hand away and said "no I'm not sick. Nothing's with me. Well I may be a little sleep deprived but that's normal. You made me realize how horrible of a mom and wife I am and I wanted to apologize to you and Arial. I went to her room just now but she was fast asleep. I'm sorry, you both deserve better". I said

"Well we don't want anyone other than you." He said looking me in the eye.

"You forgive me?" I said shocked. Old Yousef would hold a grudge for ages

"an old friend of mine used to say that anyone can make a mistake and run. It takes a special kind of person to make a mistake, admit to it and face the pain and trouble that comes with making amends" He said as he took my hand in his.

"humble?" I said jokingly

"the one and only. He had really good advice and he sure as hell had a lot of quotes" he said smiling.

"he was a really good friend. Maybe we can call him and meet up with him someday" I said

"yeah that would be fun. it's been a long time since I last saw him" Yousef said

"I'm not perfect Yousef. I'll always screw up and make mistakes and I have to embrace that" I said lifting my head up and looking Yousef in the eye

"there's nothing wrong with being imperfect babe. Imperfect literally spells IM PERFECT. Everyone is perfect in their own special way and so are you. You made a mistake Lilly that's it. mistakes are how we learn and how we can better ourselves" he said as he kissed the top of my head

"so, you'll still stick around if I keep making mistakes" I said questioningly

"as long as you want me to be around and I know I'll make some mistakes on the way as well." He said serious

"we just have to be there for each other" I said squeezing his hand

"till death do us part" he said and winked

"how'd I know you were going to say that? since your laptops open we should find some cool family activities we can do before winter comes around" I said grabbing his laptop from him and started typing........