Naomi

Chapter Thirty-one

NAOMI'S POV

It's now been three months since Travis' accident. David started Travis on trials a few weeks ago, but Travis hasn't made any changes. About a week ago now, David, Lorain and I set a date when we would unplug Travis. The past few days have been the worst. I haven't been sleeping, eating. I refused to leave Travis' side. I was a complete mess.

And it was all my fault.

I'm the one who ran away from my problems. I'm the reason Travis got in his car. I'm the one who cut my wrist. I'm the reason why Travis was speeding. I'm the reason he crashed. It's all my fault. It's all my god damned fault.

Why the hell did I have to be so stupid? Why the hell did I have to get so emotional over a fucking baby? Why the hell did I have to force my mum to take me home? Why the hell did I block my emotions out? Why the hell did I have to leave? Why the hell is it him dying and not me?

I'm the one who should be in that hospital bed dying! I'm the one who deserves to die! I'm the one who should have never been born!

Travis should be raising his son. Travis should still be alive. Travis should be happy.

But I had to go and screw all that up! Just because I got emotional! I fucking hate my emotions! I fucking hate how he is the one dying because of my fucking actions!

"Fuckity fuck fuck." I said loudly.

I heard the door to Travis' room open and I rushed out. I didn't want to be around people. I didn't care who it was. Tomorrow the love of my life is going to die. So I couldn't bare to be around people.

I left the hospital, rushing to the house that Travis and I were suppose to live in together. I'd been staying here the past week, all I had was a pillow, sleeping bag and the essentials. I had no furniture, nothing.

I rushed inside. Once I was sure I was alone, I started crying, and crying. It was like floodgates had opened, there was no stopping what was coming out. It was fast, unstoppable, gushing water. I've never cried like this before, I've never even thought crying like this was possible.

I crawled inside my sleeping bag and cried until I was completely asleep, and even then it still felt like I was crying. I was numb, from being asleep, but I still felt the water on my cheeks, and the pain in my heart.

Travis wasn't healing because his wolf believe that I was ok, and that I would continue to be ok. How could I be okay knowing I'm the cause of his death? How could I be okay knowing that I'm the one to blame? How could I be okay knowing that I would never get to tell him I love him?

I was asleep but I was in complete control over what I was thinking. And I couldn't help but think of all the memories I'd shared with Travis. The happy. The sad. The angry. The love. The hate. The fear. But it wasn't the emotion with each memory that was important to me. What was important was that I'd shared all those emotions with Travis.

There was so many more things that I wanted to share with him. There was so much I wanted to tell him. There was so much I still wanted to learn about him. There was so much I wanted for him. There was just so much that he didn't get to do.

Why does he have to be the one who dies? Why can't I take his place? Why can't he live and I'll pay the price? Why does he have to pay for my mistake? Why does he have to leave me all alone?

The next day, I woke up to the sun beaming through the window. I saw that my pillow had tear stains on it. I heard birds chirping, but not even their tune sounded happy.

I got up and grabbed my bag, walking into the bathroom. I stripped out of yesterday's clothes. I turned the shower on. I looked at myself in the large mirror, the scar that ran along my cheek, the black circles under my eyes, the pale colour of my skin, the redness in my eyes, and the puffiness of my eyelids.

I stepped into the shower, washing slowly, my hair then my body. I stood under the shower head wondering, if I drowned myself, would anyone even care? Would anyone even notice?

I turned the shower off and stepped out, wrapping a towel around my body. My eyes caught a glimpse of the scar on my wrist. The scar I got the night I made the biggest mistake of my life.

I quickly dried my hair with the hair drying. I then grabbed my bag from the floor and pulled out my black dress. It was simple, sleeves that went to my elbows, the hem ending just below my knees, the material was a silky cotton. I slipped on the dress and pulled my hair into a bun. I made sure my necklace and ring were still on.

I looked at my shaver which was sitting on the basin's edge. I sighed and grabbed out my pen and refill from my bag.

I quickly stopped by David and Lorain's house, dropping the letter on the kitchen counter, before rushing off to the hospital.

I walked into Travis' room, my hands were shaking and sweaty at the same time. I sat in the chair next to him, putting my bag at my feet. A few minutes later David, Lorain, Stella, Brian, Thomas, and Erica, the youngest sister, walked in. Stella held onto my hand, I gave hers a tight squeeze.

A nurse entered and stood at the other side of Travis to me. "Are you ready to start?" She asked David.

He nodded.

She pushed a few buttons before pulling the tubing out of Travis' throat. She then left the room, closing the door behind her.

My grip tightened on Stella's hand. Tears ran down my face as I listened to the love of my life flatline. I let go of Stella and Clutched onto Travis. It felt like I was the one dying, it felt like a hole was burning inside me.

I heard a voice mumble something, but I payed no attention to what was said, I didn't care what was said. Everyone left the room, leaving me alone with Travis.

I sobbed harder and harder, the more it hurt, the more I cried. There were no words in any language or dictionary that could describe the pain I was in.

I reached down to my bag, I lifted it onto my lap, and pulled out a blade I had wrapped in tissue. I unwrapped it. I sobbed. I stood up, my bag dropping to the ground.

"I will always love you, and I'm pretty sure I've been in love with you since the second we met." I sobbed, kissing Travis' cold lips one last time.

I sat back down and held the blade above my wrist.

I'm the reason Travis is dead. I'm the reason David and Lorain lost their son. I'm the reason Stella, Brian, and Erica lost their brother. I'm the reason Parker lost his dad. I'm the reason... I'm the only one to blame.

Murderers get sent to death row. I am a murderer, and I am sentencing myself to death.

I dragged the blade slowly across my wrist.

Beep. Beep. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. Strong warm hands wrapped around my wrist.

I looked up to see Travis' eyes open. Tears spilled down both of our faces.

The last thing I heard was the sound of the razor dropping to the ground. I felt Travis' grip tighten on me.

* * * * * *  

Comment and Vote

What will happen?