Phan One Shots

To my dearest, Phil

T/W: I guess just sadness.

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It's been six months and twenty one days since Dan left.

I remember it like it was yesterday: the tears brimming in his eyes, the way his lips felt against mine when we kissed goodbye and the way they trembled as he stepped backwards reluctantly into the queue for boarding, but ran back towards me for one last hug, knowing that it could be our last. I liked to be optimistic. I told him he would be back. Back in my arms and safe; I made him promise me he would be back.

It was now two days until my Dan would come home. Two days until my beloved would step off of the plane and run into my arms. Just two more days, I thought to myself. I can manage two more days.

The clattering of our mail box sounded, telling me that the postman had just been and delivered our post. I usually got excited about post, but not since Dan left. There was always that pang of anxiety that would hit me and I dreaded to see that small brown envelope, holding the words I never want to hear. The words that would break me; my life would crumble and there would be no point of me existing anymore.

I took a deep breath and picked up the post from the front door mat. Slowly I inspected each envelope and when I discovered no brown one, I finally let out a short breath and smile etched on my lips. This would happen everyday. The feeling of dread, before flicking through the post and when no brown envelope could be seen I would let out a sigh and get on with my usual routines. These consisted of eating breakfast, flicking through tumblr, filming a video for youtube and then eating dinner. On some days Chris and Pj would come over, so that I didn't get completely bored out of my mind.

On my way back through into the kitchen, my eyes caught the glisten of a photo frame sitting on top of the mantle piece. Dan looked so happy in that picture, his smile almost reaching his eyes, but they had their own smile - a glisten that I would never forget.

I was in the middle of eating breakfast when the front door clattered again. I let out a sigh and carried on eating my cereal, guessing it was just a stupid advertisement which would make no difference to my life whatsoever, but then that same sense of dread waved over me. I gulped and decided to take a look, just in case. It would probably be fine though. Nothing to worry about.

My gaze landed on the mat, a lump formed in the back of my throat and for a minute, I was unable to move. It's okay. It's probably just a letter from Dan, I thought. Yeah, that'll be it. My fingers gently grasped the small brown envelope, noting that it was slightly heavier than usual, but I brushed it off thinking that Dan's letter was lengthy - he had been away for six months.

I decided on reading it now and sat myself upon our sofa, wriggling slightly to get comfy. Taking one last deep breath for courage, I ripped open the envelope and pulled out its contents: two folded pieces of paper, a small sash and the thing I especially didn't want to see - a small piece of card.

Before I read anything I opened up the folded pieces of paper, noticing that they were written to me in Dan's familiar scrawl.

*

To my dearest, Phil,

If you are reading this then I am so sorry my love. I didn't want it to end this way. I just want you to know that you were and always will be the only thing on my mind, wherever I am and how I wish I could be held in your arms again. Just one more time; it's hard to remember exactly how you feel, Phil and every time I come home and you embrace me so tight I realise how wrong I had remembered your hugs.