Phan One Shots

Fading (Part 2)

T/W: Sadness
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Phil's POV

My hands trembled, as the phone fell from my hands, smashing on the floor in the process. It was as if my whole world was crumbling, small fragments slowly flaking away, revealing a broken, depressed world. This new world was now mine. Without Dan I'm nothing. Without Dan there is no point for me. Without Dan I....

I walked into the hospital room, where Dan's parents stood beside his lifeless body. I was too emotionally broken to even cry at the death of my own boyfriend, but one look from Sarah's fragile, crushed features caused me to break down there and then. My knees became jelly and I slowly fell to the ground screaming profanities, as if it would make Dan come back to me. The tears wouldn't stop, just constantly trickling down my cheeks, creating permanent stains- inside and out.

"Oh, Phil," Dan's mother whimpered. "I'm so sorry." She wrapped her arms around me and for a second it felt just like Dan, but then reality fell in and my world just broke again.

I sobbed, "Why? When?"

"A couple of hours ago. They found him with his phone in hand and your contact on screen," she sniffs. "My poor baby!"

My whole world froze, time seemed to slow and I remembered our previous conversation- our last conversation. He was spluttering, he sounded tired, he was dying and I didn't notice! How did I not notice? He told me he was fine, he let me believe he would be home and I would see him again. Why would he do that?

"Did he ring you?"

My eyes darted to Sarah's, "Yes."

Her voice broke, "What did he say?"

"We spoke about dinner," my heart drops and my eyes wrinkle at the edges. "He chose to talk about me! I hate him!"

Sarah sobs, "You don't mean that, Phil."

"I hate him for leaving me. I hate him for not telling me, I could have phoned an ambulance. I hate him," my voice cracks and fresh tears began to fall.

A week later.

I stood at the podium beside the coffin; my gaze never met the box imprisoning my beloved. Never. I couldn't bare it. Everything would become real and I couldn't face it yet, not now. Not ever.

"Eh," my breath hitched, as I choked back the tears. "Dan, we all loved him dearly. Me more so than others. Dan really was the other half of me and when he- when he- passed. It was like half of me had been torn away, dying with him and I know that without Dan I will never be complete," I chewed the inside of my cheek and took a quick glance at Sarah, who was sat constantly dabbing around her, red, puffy brown eyes. "I don't want to talk about how sad we will be and how life won't be the same. Instead I want to reminisce in the good times."

"I remember the little things, as well as the major things. I remember waking up to his bright, contagious smile every morning. The way his eyes would crinkle at the edges when he would laugh. The way his laugh was so contagious that even he could make a bad pun funny," for the first time in a week, a smile graced my lips and instead of sad tears, happy tears streamed down my cheeks.

I twist my hands together, before taking a deep breath, "For my birthday two weeks ago, Dan took me to Paris. It was beautiful. I will never forget when the way he proposed." A few gasps escaped from the audience and I smiled wider. "Yes, Dan and I were engaged. We were going to tell everyone in a special way, but we never got the chance. He took me to a canal, we had dinner beside the water and I remember wishing that the moment would last forever. He got down on one knee and you can probably guess the rest."

I choked up slightly, "We would talk about what we wanted to do in the future. Where we wanted our lives to go. Maybe we would adopt, maybe we would travel. Who knows, but we were going to just see where life took us. He used to say 'No matter where life takes us, I will be happy as long as I have you'." My chest began to tighten and it became harder to breathe, but I fought on.

"I will never forget you, Dan," I tore my eyes from the podium and finally to the coffin. "Never. You will always be my true love and I'm so glad that I met you too; you honestly brightened my days to the extent where I may have needed sun glasses." I chuckled quietly, wiping a stray tear, "I love you and always will, my love."

I bent over and placed my lips to the cold wood, allowing more tears to fall and splatter onto the coffin. "I'll miss you, you nerd."