the deluded ones [#2]

felt

january 29th, 2017

my face feels uneven, and irritation runs all over my skin. it only lessens when the cold brushes against my face, but, as it blows, the watery trails left behind freeze because it hurts so much in every way.

how can you go from looking pretty one day to looking ugly the next? how can it be that all that time and effort you put in what made you seem less like you in the best of ways go to waste the next day?

is this my punishment for desiring to be something pretty for one a time? am i supposed to be stuck in a cycle of disappointment for the rest of my life?

when my mother taught me how to powder my face and brush my cheeks, she said that it made me pretty in the photos i would take, and i asked her, "does that mean that i am not pretty in any of the other photos i take without all this on my face?". and, although she meant it in a joking way, she said, "yes, you don't look pretty in any of those photos you take without anything on your little face."

and, even though i laughed at it then, i think it's safe to say that she wasn't lying in any possible way.