the deluded ones [#2]

made

june 26th, 2017

and every plane that passes by my eyes reminds me of your love of flying and the chance you wanted to give me to see the world with you from above. every garden or park reminds me of the place you wanted to take me to see but were never able to. every fair with a ferris wheel reminds me of what you said, about that dream you had with the two of us. every crack of thunder reminds me of your fear. every foggy road reminds me of the confused thoughts i had for you and those you had for her. every sunrise or sunset reminds me of how you love them just like i do too. every sweet phrase reminds me of those silly compliments you said to me. every recording i make reminds me of when you asked me to make one for you. every sleepless night reminds me of the many you had that have now become mine, just like the words i said when i prayed you'd sleep fine if i had to take it into my life.

you've taken over so many of my prized thoughts, and i'm so vulnerable to every unintentional pain you inflict on me.

and you once said you knew there was a difference between being alone and feeling lonely, just like i once did some months ago. but now, i am both alone and lonely, and there's no remedy.

you've inflicted your presence in my life more drastically than i ever knew, and, now, i'm suffering, suffering because i let you in too much for me to even know and for you to never ever really know.