the deluded ones [#2]

storm

june 8th, 2017

my mind, it feels perplexed, overfilled with stress. i don't know what to think or what to say, yet i am so afraid.

even as i await your response, my heart feels heavy once again. why can i not determine my own feelings? is there fear riddled in the mysteries of possible chances? i wish to know.

i am afraid i'll lose you; there's a chance i will. i'm afraid to fight for chances, but i will if that's what i feel i must do. i'm afraid to feel, but what if feeling is what i need to do?

with him, i felt flutters flit away in my insides; do they exist with you too? i cannot tell, but are there other things i have that may tell me the answer i wish to know? does my heart skip its beat when it sees your name appear? do i find myself short of breath when you speak? i am not so sure.

but, when i see your name, i always smile. it makes me feel warm, like that of a glistening sunny day. does that mean anything?

what do i do? can you understand me in my frantic confusion as you've always understood me in the past? how do you feel after i've confessed my distress in words that lose their own pace? do you regret me? would it be better if you did? would i want you to?

i cannot tell what my mind believes, but i feel that i wish you not to regret me, that i would not want you to. yet, what does it all mean?