The Old Songs

Chapter 14.2: Healer

Hindi muna ako nagsalita. Leone and I remained quiet. I took my time to digest everything.

Sa isang email lang ni Clyde, I was able to get to know him, the good and bad. Ano kaya yung dahilan ng biglaang pagbabago niya? Why did he turn into a drug user. Why did he allow himself?

Hindi niya sinabi sa email kung bakit eh.

Tumingin ako kay Leone, and he's there slouching, nakatingin sa kawalan.

Dala dala kung anu mang bigat ang iniwan ng kapatid niya.

I looked away.

I know he loves his brother so much and it pains me knowing I can't do anything to remove all of his burden.

My reverie was quickly interrupted when I felt his hand in mine. 

"Do you still want to continue? I know this is hard for you" I asked.

"It's okay.." huminga muna siya ng malalim bago nagsalita ulit. "Kaya ako nawala ng matagal kasi I had to go to a rehab.."

"R-Rehab?"

"I was clinically depressed"

"I-I don't know what to say.."

"Just.. just listen to me, it's more than enough"

Hind ako sumagot. I just stared at him.

 "When I got that email.. I-I knew I had to go back home. Pupuntahan sana kita, but I got scared.."

"Scared?"

"Yes. Natatakot ako na baka hindi mo ako matanggap, Elle.."

"Why would you think like that?" I feel offended.

"Please listen to me. I am as flawed as my kuya. He's maybe into drugs pero ako, I was depressed. Sa utak ako may problema. I'm not crazy pero his death took its toll on me.." malungkot niyang saad.

I swallowed a lump in my throat. "What happened pagdating mo sa inyo?"

"Kade was there. He asked our father to stop the investigation.." he said, desperation is written all over his face. Binitawan niya yung kamay ko at inihilamos ito sa mukha niya.

I angled myself into his direction, then I wrapped my arms around him, his head rested on my shoulder. I held him in silence, rocking him slowly as his tears soaked my chest. A tiny lapse let him pull away, blinking lashes heavy with tears.

"I got so mad because of that, at dun bumalik lahat sa akin. Nagwawala ako sa bahay. My depression turned into an anxiety attack, they had no choice but to send me back to rehab. I got released after two months pero hindi ako bumalik dito agad dahil gusto kong masigurado na okay na ako talaga"

"Then.. are you okay now?"

"Yes"

"How? Medication? Therapy?"

"No" he smiled.

"What is it then?"

"You Elle. Ikaw yung pinanghawakan ko nung panahong inaatake ako ng depression ko. During therapies, ikaw ang bukambibig ko hanggang sa ma-clear na ako ng therapist ko. He advised me to go back here sa Pilipinas, dahil andito yung gamot ko.." his smile widened.

"A-Ako ang gamot mo?"

"Yes. You healed me, Elle. You saved me.."

Hapon na ng matapos yung pag-uusap namin ni Leone. Tumunog na ang last bell na nagsisignal sa lahat na uwian na. Inihatid niya ako sa may parking kung saan naghihintay si Tatay Cesar. Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit saka pumunta sa kotse.