But Who Would You Live For?

Glowing Eyes

Tyler:

The energy back stage was impossible to describe. It was like I could feel electricity vibrating under my skin. Everybody seemed to be on edge. The stage hands, the techs, the security guards, even the guys. Josh looked the most nervous of all. He was pacing the small three feet area outside of the bathroom door. The hand he was holding his drumsticks in was shaking. His free hand was gripping the side of his stomach. Like he was seconds away from puking.

I was nervous too. Maybe not as nervous as Josh was though. If josh was uncomfortable, then Iwas going to be uncomfortable. And if we both were uncomfortable then this wasn't going to go well.  And we really needed for this to go well. There were so many people out there. Waiting for us to perform. This was the biggest show we'd played together since Chris and Nick left us for good. The biggest show we'd ever played period.

I needed to make sure Josh wouldn't vomit or faint or something else that would screw this up for us. We were performing at the New Port Music Hall. We couldn't go down as failures here. We'd dreamed of performing here. This was home. Both of our families were out there watching. Our friends were out there.

Most importantly, our fans were out there. Like actual fans. People who actually enjoyed our music. People who'd spent actual money to listen to the album we released just months ago. People who'd listened to our words and decided that they could relate. People who were just as much a part of making this band what it was as Josh and I were. Every single person out there was important. And we couldn't let them down. We wouldn't let them down.

"Hey, Josh?" I approached him slowly.

"Hey, Ty." He didn't stop pacing. Didn't really acknowledge me besides with his words.

"A-Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He nodded. "I'm fine." He was saying more to himself than to me.

"You don't look fine."

That got his attention. His panicked eyes darted towards me. "Do I look that bad? Is it my hair? The bags under my eyes? Does my face look too pale?"

"No, no! You look great. Your appearance is perfect, as always." I assured him. And it was. He looked great in the red shirt and red jeans. The same exact thing I was wearing. But Josh made it look better. "You just seem a little nervous."

"Do I?" He was back to pacing. Squeezing the sticks in his hand hard enough to crack them.

"Josh." I grabbed the other end of the sticks. Gently pulling them from his hands. He didn't fight against me. He let me take them. I slid them into the back pocket of my pants. "Relax, baby."

"I-I can't, Ty. There are over a thousand people out there! My church is out there. My freaking mom is out there."

"Your mom has watched us perform before."

"Not with over a thousand freaking people she doesn't know standing behind her!"

"Just try not to think about it-"

"Try not to think about it? Are you crazy? There are like sixteen hundred people out there waiting for us! Watching us. Waiting for me to trip or miss a beat or screw up in some other way that I inevitably will."

"Josh, they are not waiting for us to screw up. They're waiting for us to put on the greatest show they've ever seen. Those are our fans out there. They want to see us do good."

"That's even more unnerving. Then I'm going to disappoint them."

"You could never disappoint. You're perfect."

"No, you're perfect. I'm the screw up."

"Hey." I whispered, frowning deeper than I knew I could. Josh didn't respond. So I grabbed his shoulders. "Hey!" I said louder, holding him in place. "Why would you say that? That's not true."