But Who Would You Live For?

Under Siege From Accusations

Jenna:

Forty-three minutes.

I've been siting in this restaurant alone for forty-three minutes now. The clock on the wall mocks the news to me that the establishment will be closing in fifteen minutes. The untouched wine glass across the table reminds me that Tyler just isn't coming. And the lack of notifications shining in from my phone tells me that Tyler all together forgot the reservations I told him I made for us. And the couples sneaking pitying glances as they leave hand and hand scream to me that everyone else in the restaurant noticed my dilemma.

The pretty waitress was standing a few tables away. Pretending to wipe up after the older couple who'd left a few minutes ago. Her gaze casted in my direction every other minute. Silently asking the same question I was asking myself on the inside.

When are you going to give up?

Well, right about now. I exhaled heavily as I dug into my purse for my wallet. I lifted a hand to signal permission for the waiting waitress to approach the table. She was there immediatey. Giving up any pretense of working at the table that had long since been wiped to perfection.

"Would that be all, ma'am?"

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. This wasn't her fault. Instead I nodded. Handing her the debit card Tyler would have refused to let me use had he been here. Well, at least I was getting the chance to pay for one of our dates. Even if it was one my boyfriend wasn't present for.

"No." She held her hand up in a refusal to take the card. "That's quite alright, ma'am."

"It's to pay for the glasses of wine."

"I-I know what it would be for." Her smile was sheepish. "I just- you've had a tough enough night. You don't have to to pay for two glasses of wine. It's on the house."

Embarrassment flushed deep in my cheeks. I thanked the woman and walked out of the empty restaurant with my head held down. Just add the pitying waitress's refusal to take my payment to the list of reason I felt like crying at that moment.

My feet felt like stones beneath me as I stomped in the chilling air of the night. I was too wounded up to stop and attempt to catch a cab and my car was parked near the buses. The buses were parked just ten blocks away. Maybe the quiet walk would help me cool off. But with every step I took I realized I was a step closer to Tyler. Which was upsetting me even more. When I finally paused in front of the buses, a security guard I didn't recognize stopped me. Another one I did recognize, Zack, whispered something to him and he let me pass.

A part of me wanted to just leave. To get in my car and drive away without ever talking to Tyler again. Another part of me, the more rational part, knew that I couldn't cut ties with Tyler if I wanted to. And I didn't want to. I just wanted him to put more effort in. Being away from him for weeks at a time was hard enough already. Having him totally forget me when I finally visited was heart breaking.

In the end I decided to be mature. I was going to walk on that bus, sit my boyfriend down, and talk to him about the sudden neglect I was feeling in the relationship. Maybe he didn't forget me. Maybe he fell asleep after his performance. I knew being on stage every night was energy consuming. That had to be what happened! When I walked on that bus I was going to find my poor, exhausted boyfriend passed out on the couch.

I hope.

I opened the door and held my breath. Okay, so Tyler wasn't laid out on the couch. That's didn't mean he didn't immediately fall asleep. He could still be sleeping in his bunk.

The curtain separating the sections of the bus swung to the side. Startling me. Tyler flinched when his eyes landed on me. Just looking at him, I could tell he'd been asleep. His eyelids were heavy. He looked at me with confused, unfocused eyes. There was a print from the stiff fabric of his pillow temporarily imprinted on his cheek. He was still wearing his show clothes. The dark paint smeared around his neck and hands. He looked disheveled.