But Who Would You Live For?

I'm So Afraid Of What You Have To Say

Tyler:

"I wasn't aware that you two were a couple." Josh's eyes remained on the table in front of us.

I'd finally mustered up the courage to say what I should have weeks ago. Jenna and I were a couple. She was my girlfriend. We were dating. She wasn't the first girlfriend I have had to tell Josh about. But for some reasons she was the most difficult. I danced around the subject for a while now. Throwing hints into our random conversations. Now I was finally man enough to just come right out and say it.

Josh's lack of reaction was making me nervous. If it weren't for his comment, I would have been sure he didn't hear me. I needed something from him in order to know how to proceed. A smile. A frown. A shrug. Anything would do. But he gave me nothing. I was going to have to talk his true feeling out of him.

"You weren't completely in the dark, Josh." I stared at the side of his face as I spoke. "We've been going out all the time. Even the three of us. She's constantly here."

"I knew it was happening." He shrugged. There. That was something. "I just didn't know you'd make it official or whatever."

I laughed. Bad idea. His eyes slid to my face for just a second. And when they did, I saw the hint of emotion he'd been hiding for the table. Disappointment maybe? I couldn't be sure. He looked away too quickly.

"Josh, that's a little high school, don't you think?"

"No."

"Well," My hands were beginning to sweat. I rubbed the palms on the knees of my jeans. "It's official. It's fairly new." Hopefully the last sentence made it better.

"Okay." His fingers began drumming along the skin of his thighs. Drawing my attention to the way his shorts were riding up.

"D-Do you not approve?" It was time to just come out and ask.

I wasn't going to get the reactions I needed. That was clear. For the first time in our relationship, Josh was hiding himself from me. It was like I could feel the first round of bricks being cemented for the wall being built between us. I didn't like it at all. It was making my chest hurt.

I reached over and placed my hand on top of his. Effectively stopping the drumming of his nails. He didn't immediately push my hand away. That was a good sign. But he did slide his from under mine. Leaving me holding onto his thigh. I didn't move. Hoping the physical closeness would help bring our usual internal closeness.

"She's nice." Josh's voice was soft. He'd taken so long to answer the question that I forgot I even asked one. "She's very pretty."

But I did remember that wasn't what I wanted to know. I knew those thing already.

"But do you approve?"

"Does it matter?" He was questioning me back before I finished.

Does it matter? What kind of bogus question was that? I wouldn't ask if it didn't matter.

"Your opinion is the most important one in the world."

"More important than your own?" I could see him rolling his eyes.

"Yes." I squeezed his thigh. If I listened to my own opinion over Josh's, I'd be dead right now.

"More important than Jenna's?"