Payb Takes Book 3

Breather

June 4, 2am:

You said you were too tired and too dizzy to take a shower when we came home at past midnight after I picked you up from a night out with your friends to celebrate one of your closest friend's birthday.

You said you'll just sleep on the couch because you don't want to sleep on our bed without showering. I helped you lie on the sofa and got a warm wet towel for you.

You were already sleeping when I returned probably from the exhaustion and the alcohol. I didn't mind. You needed a breather. You asked me for it and I willingly gave it to you.

That was all I can do for you to support you and be there for you. I wanted to do more but I couldn't.

I started wiping your forehead and your cheeks. Your face registered a little frown and you grumbled a complaint but I continued.

Then I recalled a conversation we had yesterday before leaving for work.

We were having breakfast. You spent the whole time staring at me and just smiling. I asked you what was on your mind and what you said made my heart both soar and ache at the same time.

"Wala lang. Ang swerte ko pa din talaga. Kasi sa lahat ng kaguluhan sa mundo, sa lahat ng nagdududa, nagagalit, at kumukundena sa akin, meron akong isang Richard Faulkerson Jr. Lagi kong kasama, lagi kong kakampi, laging nagmamahal." You smiled but I saw the tears that trickled down your cheeks that you quickly brushed away. "Basta nandiyan ka, okay ako. Masaya ako." You reached for my hand and held it as firmly as your gaze held my eyes. "Mahal na mahal kita."

A sob got stuck in my throat and I couldn't hold it back as tears involuntarily flowed from my eyes. I kissed your hand and fell on my knees to gather you in my arms. I held you tight and nuzzled on your neck.

"I love you more. Mas mahal na mahal kita, asawa ko. Alam mong gagawin ko ang lahat para sa'yo para hindi ka na masaktan, para ipagtanggol ka sa lahat, para protektahan ka palagi. Hayaan mo na kasi ako. Please. Ayoko na ng ganito."

You sighed and pulled away to hold my face in your hands and wipe my tears away. "Ayoko. Wag. Mas masasaktan ako pag ganoon. Wala ka nang ibang dapat gawin. Just stand by me. That's it. Kakayanin ko lahat basta andiyan ka lang. Alam ko na gagawin mo ang lahat kaya nga I made you promise then and I want you to promise now. Don't hurt yourself to protect me. Don't put yourself on a path of self-destruction for my sake. Stay good. Stay kind. Stay responsible. Stay this beautiful person that I love. Wag mong sisirain kung anong meron ka at kung ano ka ngayon para lang hindi na ako masaktan dahil mas hindi ko kakayanin kung pati ikaw madamay pa. Okay?" You said and I felt helpless because I wanted to rebel. I wanted to break free. I wanted to tell everyone what is true, if I wasn't bound by obligation.

I nodded my head because I knew that's what you wanted but my heart was already breaking into a million pieces for you.

You kissed my forehead and my nose then smiled. "Someday we'll be free and be a normal couple again."

I wondered what you meant about normal...

You must have been thinking about the nights when we watched the stars in Como. You must have been dreaming about that kiss under the moonlight in Verona. You must have been looking back on the long walks and autumn kisses we had in Germany. You must have been wishing for those happy moments we shared in New York.

After I was done giving you a spongebath and changing your clothes, I carried you to the bedroom so you can sleep comfortably on the bed. I lay beside you but I couldn't get myself to doze off. Instead, I ended up watching your slumber.

You looked so beautiful in your sleep, so peaceful and happy. Maybe in that dreamland you were in, there was just you and me and all the love that surround us. Maybe in your dreams, there was no hate or unfair judgment in the world. Maybe someday, we could live that dream.

I'm sorry, Love. I'm sorry that I failed in my promise to never let anyone or anything hurt you.

I have failed miserably and yet you love me. Unconditionally and unfalteringly. What did I ever do to deserve such love?

"RJ..." You whispered my name in your sleep and smiled.

"I'm here, Love. Andito lang ako palagi." I whispered back as I gently caressed your cheek and moved closer to let our foreheads touch.

I love you, Nicomaine Faulkerson, and I maybe helpless in fulfilling one promise to you because shielding you from pain is impossible but I promise you this. I will stand beside you. I will never let you go. I will love you beyond reason and keep loving you without question.

Ikaw at Ako pa rin palagi. Walang iwanan. Walang bitawan. Iaangat kita at itatangi sa lahat hanggang sa makita ng lahat ng tao na ang babaeng pinakamamahal ko ay walang kasing buti at walang kasing tapat. Mahal kita. Mahal na mahal. At balang araw magiging malaya din akong ipagsigawan yan sa mundo.

You frowned and slowly opened your eyes. "Sleep na. You have work later."

I smiled. It's exceptional how in your own distress, you still think about me. You're thoughtful like that. You love me like that.

"Yes, Love." I replied and pressed a soft kiss on your lips. "Good night. I love you."

"I love you." You mumbled before snuggling in my arms.

And with you safe and warm in my arms, I closed my eyes and dreamed of a time when we didn't have to share kisses in the dark and keep our love in the shadows. 💛🍃

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Unbeta'ed and not proofread. Thank you for reading.