Payb Takes Book 3

Close To You

I'm not sure when I started becoming this crazy. I just know that for a long time now, longer than I can remember feeling this way for anyone, I always go unjustifiably nuts whenever you're away.

Sure, I have loved others before you. Sure, I've cared about people. But never this inexplicably utterly unmitigatedly absolute like I do with you.

People know me as someone who would take things as "Kebs" or "Keri lang" but when it comes to you, Richard Faulkerson Jr., it's never "Kebs" or "Keri lang" it's always "Grabe siya" and "All out".

I may boldly go out and jump off cliffs to dive into the ocean, get on the scariest rides in theme parks, swing across the stage on a 10-foot bamboo pole, allow myself to be tossed around like a ragdoll, dream of skydiving or maybe rock climbing or do anything that can endanger myself physically but when it comes to my heart, that's a different story.

When it comes to matters involving my feelings, I'm more of the dip-your-toes-first-in-the-water-to-test-the-temperature, look-at-the-clouds-to-see-if-it-rains, drop-a-flare-down-a-well-to-check-how-deep, stop-look- left-then-right-and-listen-before-crossing kind of girl. I built a fortress around my innermost thoughts and feelings and comforted myself in their solitude.

I forget all of that when it comes to you. You came into my life and stormed my life with passion I never knew existed in the world. You wrecked the walls I built around the inner Maine and climbed the tower where I kept my heart and soul then you grabbed them with both hands, strong yet gentle, and never let go.

So, I blame you, Richard Faulkerson Jr., for this cold pool of longing I am drowning in, this dark pit of yearning I am stuck in and the bus of insane wanting for you that hit me every single moment that I breathe.

I miss you. Terribly. I know it's just a few days but in my heart it feels like forever.

So let me wear that shirt with the cartoonized version of you, let me lay on your used shirt as I sleep, let me kiss your picture on my phone, let me place two cups of coffee on the breakfast table, let me pour two glasses of wine, let me watch the stars while hugging the pillow with your scent on it, let me miss a smile or two, let me drown myself in work, let me look at flight schedules I can not get on to be with you, let me listen to your songs, not the ones in your album but my favorite ones that you recorded on phone  with the raw acoustics of our bedroom, let me stare at my blank phone screen after our video call and cry quietly because I miss you so much it hurts. Let me be this love-crazed woman who does insanely irrational things because she misses you and that's the only way she can quietly tell the universe how much she truly wants to close to you.

I want to be always close to you. 💛🍃

********
Unbeta'ed and not proofread.

I apologize for the super late and super short update. Last few days before my sister's wedding and I'm neck deep with stuff that need to be done til then.

Hoping to post a few more tonight.

Thank you also for this. This is so amazing. Three books, nearing 500 chapters of Payb Takes and you're all still here for this super cheesy and harot couple. Maraming Salamat po talaga. Nakakaiyak promise. I love you all. ❤️

Thank you din po sa walang sawang paghihintay ng updates. Babawi ako promise. 😊