Payb Takes Book 3

Love Is...

Disclaimer: This is a work of Fiction but depression is real.

I  am NOT an expert. I am only telling this story from how I understood it, having experienced it in our family.

Please don't make generalizations based on this fic.

Thank you.

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October 18, 2017:

When finally the last scene was shot and Direk Alix called a wrap on the shoot, we all cheered.

You immediately pulled me in for a hug and whispered. "I'm so proud of you, Love. Ginalingan mo na naman."

To which, I giggled. "Siyempre naman. The best actor ang ka-partner ko dapat talagang galingan."

You grinned giddily and squeezed me tighter before kissing my temple and cheek. "I love you." You said softly in my ear.

"I love you too." I whispered back and kissed your cheek.

We then went around hugging and thanking our co-stars and the staff and of course our director.

It was a great moment after a grueling couple of days. I felt privileged to have the chance to work with such an amazing cast, you included, and be directed by one of the best in the industry.  It was also a special opportunity to be able to tackle such a sensitive issue and tell its story with a couple who has experienced it at a personal level.

I admired their courage and strength. I admired their selflessness to bare such a painful part of their lives to us. I admired their faith and I admired their love because it takes great love to be able to pull through such an ordeal.

I know such great love. It is with this great love that I was able to overcome my own depression. The great love of my parents, siblings, family and friends who helped me through the emotionally turbulent, mentally perplexing, physically challenging and spiritually taxing phase of becoming a teen.

Maybe to some what I have been through, what a lot of kids are going through and will go through, can be dismissed as teenage angst. It would be easier for others to say that kids have a naturally rebellious, self-centered, over-dramatic phase that they would eventually get over when they mature and face the reality of life than try to figure out a complex situation.

But the thing is... To the person experiencing depression, the here and now is the REALITY. Not one moment should be wasted before helping that person break free from the darkness that eats them from the inside. A smile is not an assurance of being okay because this illness (Yes, it is an illness) is a demon that lurks and strikes without warning.

The place to act is here and the moment to save is now.

Not everyone's demons are the same, in my case, she came at moments when I was alone, left with my thoughts, thoughts that strayed to how I hated myself for everything, hated myself so much that the idea of ridding this world of my existence became tempting.

It's a horrifying thought that sends me shivers until now but somewhere out there, someone is going through that. Somewhere out there, someone is smiling on the outside but desperately crying for help from the inside.

It is difficult to understand. It is terrifying but it does not mean we can't do anything about it. People can help. I sought help when I felt I needed it.

I guess that was the first step, recognizing that you need help and ask for it.

I am not an expert but I know that love and support helped me through. To be assured that someone will be there to listen, that someone cares, that someone loves.

They say that "Where there is great love, there are always miracles." So maybe that is what Love is.

Love is a miracle.

No, a miracle does not only mean, walking on water or raising the dead or meeting the love of your life on split-screen during a noontime show while you were nonchalantly dubsmashing on National television, not knowing that your phenomenal story was unfolding for the whole world to witness.

If that is what we require of a miracle then not everyone might have a chance on it.

Albert Einstein said, "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

I choose to live my life in the latter.

Everything is a miracle. Life is a miracle. Love is a miracle. A smile is a miracle. A Hello is a miracle. A hug is a miracle. A kiss is a miracle.

There is no assurance that I won't go through what I have gone through again. As a woman, I already have a 33% chance of experiencing a major depressive episode at least once in my life.

No one, no matter how rich or powerful, no matter how beautiful, no matter strong, no matter how brave, no matter how happy is immune.

I was and am blessed to have great love in my life, to have you and the people that love and support us. It is easy to find those miracles where there is Love.

I pray that everyone gets to have that too and be willing to offer it. That sincere smile, that hand to hold, those arms ready to hug, those lips ready to speak kind words, that ear willing to listen or that mere presence, are miracles.

The set quieted down as the cast and crew started to leave. You walked back to me, slipped your hand around my waist and hugged me from the side. I leaned my head on your shoulder and sighed. "Thank you."

You looked at me and smiled that disarming dimpled smile. "For what?" You asked.

"Just. Thank you." I smiled.

Thank you, Richard Faulkerson Jr. for being what love is, for being my miracle everyday. 💛🍃

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Unbeta'ed and not proofread. Thank you for reading.