bonjour • joshler •

huit

joshua never really felt heartbroken before.

sure, he's had his share of sad breakups and fights with friends that ended with someone saying the wrong thing too soon, but none of them made his heart shatter like glass bottles on a highly drunken night.

josh didn't really know why he woke up at 2am on a sunday, but he found his eyelids stirring awake as if they created minds of their own. by lifting his eyes into consciousness, the rest of his senses began to group together with weak connections weaving their way towards his brain.

although he wished that never happened.

by opening his senses wide, josh cursed himself for having the privilege to hear. for if he were to go deaf he wouldn't have perceived the quaking sobs that unevenly stormed through the opposite boys lips.

and that was when joshua's heart shattered for the first time.

"tyler? tyler what's wrong?" immediately joshua's honey toned voice cooed the weeping boy that lay across from him, josh's legs carrying him towards tyler.

"it - it is nothing josh - shua really-"

the other obliged and sat down next to the overwhelmed brunette, soon holding him in his arms carefully.

"it's okay i'm - i'm here"

he soothed while smoothing his hands along the line of tylers shaking backbone. his silk atmosphere causing the other to calm it's senses just slightly.

"joshua i - i miss my family"

"oh tyler -"

"my brother my sister my friends my - my mother my-" tylers face faltered behind josh's back, salt tears streaming from both eyes.

josh squeezed the boy tighter, wanting to evacuate every devastating event possible that would cause such a pretty boy to cry such unforeseen tears. tyler grabbed onto josh like he was his lifeline, his heartbeat slowing slightly as the other held him in his loving arms.

and josh refused to let go. he never ever ever wanted to let go of tylers emotional body as it slowed its breathing steadily. yet he needed to let go, since he felt tylers arms lose their sudden grip around his torso. causing both of them to sigh while emotions played through their minds. josh decided the only way to get tyler to be happy was to talk about it, so he prepared himself to talk for hours. he would be lying if he said he was mad about this.

"tell me about your family tyler" the soothing boy asked as he linked his hand with tylers, feeling his heart fill with warmth.

"um i have - a br-brother"

"good, what's his name?"

"z-zachary" he spoke. his lip slightly quivering as he wiped his nose with his hoodie quickly, avoiding any sort of eye contact with the boy across from him.

"and what's he like?"

"you do not have to do this joshua" tyler suddenly spoke, a cold undertone cradling his voice. his heart ached, knowing what he was doing might hurt the opposite.

"oh n-no tyler i don't want you like this, i want to make sure you're okay an-"

"joshua i think it would be best if you were to just - leave me alone"

whilst the sudden harsh tyler spoke to the now taken aback josh, he felt his hand go limp in josh's, feeling sudden disgust towards what he had been doing.

"tyler i-"

"just - go back to bed joshua. i will be better in the morning. i am sorry i woke you"

and fuck josh didn't realize the tone of his voice but man could you tell that it hurt when tyler pushed his hand away from his. and wow it really felt like a kick to the stomach when the brunette then scooted away from him reluctantly.

"tyler let me help i - i want to help you"

"it is no use joshua," the frail boy began, "you are just going to give me the same conversation every boy gives me. i know i should not be crying joshua. i know i should not be awake thinking about - who i am. and trust me i know that by crying it is just completely stupid and disgusting and you should just leave me alone because i am sick of it, joshua"

josh watched as the now overwhelmed boy lead his talking to a whisper, leaving off words he couldn't quite catch. josh never knew such a happy fun-loving boy could be hiding so much pain within his heart. he watched as tyler stared cold at his hands, a salt tear dripping on his pointer finger.

"that's - that's not at all what i was going to say i-"

"save it," he spoke sadly, "just leave me alone"

josh never knew he could receive such heartbreak. one shatter to the chest was enough pain for all eternity. but two bullets that ruptured an aching heartbeat? it was only minutes before tyler wouldn't be the only boy with tears swaying down his cheeks.

"okay i'm - i'm sorry tyler i guess i'll leave you alone then" he said quietly as he left the bed of the emotional boy, unable to help.

josh slowly tucked himself under the sheets of his bed, feeling every single negative emotion yet completely numb at the same time. he stared at the ceiling above him, soon hearing a sniff resound from the opposite boy. it made josh go mad that he couldn't comfort him in such a time where he felt so alone.

he decided there was no other option than to just close his eyes and wait until morning like tyler had said before. he wanted to help so badly yet all he would receive is just a push away. josh wanted to tell tyler how normal it is to feel a human emotion and how totally okay it is to miss your family when you're almost five thousand miles away from them. but he couldn't.

josh never thought it was possible, but he felt himself drift off into a solemn slumber while tylers pillow was soaked with tears. his eyes closed and his senses shutting down once more, feeling every bit of guilt peruse through his veins.

however, he jumped suddenly when he felt the mattress sink in next to him, a warm body heat nearing josh's. the taller of the two couldn't hold back a miniature smile as he felt small hands intertwine with his, and a head use his hollow chest as a pillow. josh wrapped his arms around the small frame, hearing small whimpers escape the boys throat.

"please don't leave me alone, joshua"

*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*

short and sad )): poor tyler

this shows that not everyone is happy all the time and people may be going through things that you don't know about so just BE NICE TO EVERYONE thanks

this was short sorry my bad it's 3am

charlie (how was this did you cry???)