bonjour • joshler •

trente-cinq

"-this whole time he just - i don't know - i can't believe it"

the disheveled teen sat at the base of brendon's door, since he didn't have the energy to move any further. he had previously opened and slammed the door shut with his back, proceeding to slide down the door until sitting on the ground. his chest rose and fell at a quick and uneven pace, simply sporadic and numb.

he had been explaining what had happened to brendon, after the dark brunette hurried over to ask what was wrong. he held josh's shaking shoulders and stared his worrisome eyes into the emotional ones.

"it was probably all a misunderstanding-"

"he seemed really - really serious and tyler had - he had to leave the room he wasn't there" he shook his head, unable to say a complete sentence.

"and then what? you left? without notice or anything?"

josh paused a minute, allowing himself to breathe, "y-yeah i guess"

"ok can we talk about this not at the bottom of my front door?" brendon asked, grabbing his friends hand and helping him up slowly. they both moved to brendon's room, and josh was finally able to calm down enough to think straight.

"so - you left without notice?" brendon asked, kind of mad at him for leaving without consent.

"yeah i just - i didn't want to look at him or - or something," his talking went faster, each word stumbled clumsily out of his mouth, "it was just too much and i didn't want to forget again because everything was just going so well i didn't want to fuck everything up and i could feel everything piling up on me i just couldn't - i had to leave"

"do you know where tyler i-" once again, like always, brendons ringtone interrupted his question, "hang on"

josh listened from across the room, he felt as if his heart grew tired of beating. the pain in his chest would slam like waves and be gone just as fast.

he heard brendons worried tone cake his voice, "yeah he showed up at my place - fuck really?" his voice grew quiet, "should i tell josh? - i don't know - it seems risky maybe he'll - but - but what if - okay fine, but if this turns to shit it's your fault"

"what happened?" josh watched as brendon hung up his phone, his heart beat with worry.

"they - melanie and ashley - they uh-" josh motioned for the dark haired boy to finish his sentence as he breathed a sigh, "they found tyler - on the side of the road"

the familiar pain of a stab wound pierced his chest once more, "what?"

"he was trying to ride your broken skateboard i guess, he was trying to look for you. they found him and - and they just said he was in bad shape"

josh couldn't think.

this was his fault.

again.

surely tyler still maybe having a boyfriend wasn't his fault, however creating such a reaction from tyler definitely was.