bonjour • joshler •

quinze

debby💓: Was that good?

yeah thanks

debby💓: Are you sure? i feel like the slap was a bit much. Also are you okay?

debby💓: Tyler was so fucking mad

yeah i know he really doesn't like you for some reason and yeah i'm fine

debby💓: Ik i had to stop myself from laughing woops

he was drunk too so he probably didn't mean it

debby💓: Seemed pretty genuine

shit i have to go

debby💓: Tyler back again?

yeah i love you bye💖💖

debby💓: i love you too

"who is that?" the accented teen asked josh, plopping himself next to him in a childlike manner.

"oh um, brendon"

tyler straightened out his back, his eyes widened, "he told her? about debby?"

"no he didn-"

"joshua you only told this boy, he told her!"

josh swallowed dryly, anxiety pulsing through his brain. he felt wrong. something was wrong.

"no tyler he-"

"did he or did he not tell her about us, joshua?" tyler stood, his voice somewhat stern. he made tyler upset. fuck he made tyler upset. and suddenly his entire world became to plummet and his fingertips lost feeling.

it was fucking happening again.

the curly haired teen felt his throat dry with a miniature flow of oxygen that shortly quivered through his aching lungs. his heart sunk as anxiety pummeled through his veins and brain, making it difficult to think of a straight answer.

if he lied, he lied to tyler.

if he told the truth, he would have to tell the truth

to tyler.

and wait - where was he?

"i - what?"

"joshua! do not be like this. you told brendon right?"

"who is -? who's brendon?" josh asked, feeling emptiness clog his memory.

brendon? who's brendon? why does he seem so familiar? tyler. this is tyler. but where am i? room. room this is my room. what are we talking about? who's brendon?

its acting up again fuck fuck fuck fuck how do i fucking explain this to tyler i thought i would be fine i thought it was gone why am i forgetting what's happening who's tyler where am i who's brendon what's going on-

"joshua? are you okay?"

"i can't-"

don't you dare fucking cry i swear to god just remember brendon who is brendon where are you is this tyler? who's tyler? fucking breathe please breathe

josh found his eyes cloud and a worried boy rush out of the room and call for someone, he barely noticed how close this boy sat until he rushed away. he was even more alone. however another person, a woman, came back with the boy, a worried look plastered on her face as well.

who is she? what is she doing here? why is she saying my name? who's tyler? who's brendon?

"who are - who are you?"

for christs sake fucking breathe please just breathe how do i breathe fucking fuck just breathe damn it

"josh? it's your mother. i'm here"

"you're not my - i don't remember"

god fucking fuck i don't want to fucking cry who the fuck is brendon who is this lady who is tyler where am i what's going on

"josh, i need you to look at me"

"i can't - remember i don't know what's happening"

josh felt his heart race and his breathing quicken dangerously. questions were piling up in his brain, creating a pulsing aching headache echo through his skull. he barely heard the desperate calls of sanity to keep him awake and functioning. he didn't know what was happening. he thought this was gone. he thought he was better. he thought he could remember. why can't he remember?

it didn't matter to him anymore anyways, considering the black cloud dusted over his pupils like an aggressive storm. he felt his conscious move in slow motion, only seeing his surroundings blur into nothingness as if copying harsh black ink on soft paper.

and then everything

stopped.