bonjour • joshler •

seize

feeling pure emptiness in a world full of galaxies and thousands of different dimensions was normal for josh. his eyelids would close in fear of the outside world, pretending giant boulders would be holding them shut, having darkness captivate his senses in a weird mix of fear and serenity.

sometimes he forgot how to feel.

he forgot what love was. he knew he loved debby, and he knew debby loved him. but he didn't want to like tyler, he isn't supposed to like tyler. but kissing him shows love, doesn't it? kissing someone shows affection and happiness, but why does he feel so frightened?

"he should be waking up soon"

mom. josh's mom. a voice he could never ever forget. even in his worst times he always remembered his mom's face, her voice, everything. he didn't know why boulders were holding his eyelids shut or why his mom was talking to a bystander as if he had just died, but he went with it.

"i am so sorry i caused this"

tyler.

josh didn't want to notice but his eardrums had a tendency to pick up the emotional crack in the boys voice that ended in a sniff. the very last thing he wanted to do was make tyler upset, and look what he did.

"no tyler you didn't cause this, i don't want to think this is your fault because it's not, okay?"

pause

his mother sighed, a deepened tone in her voice, "this is the first time it's happened in - years. this happened when he was - i don't know - fourteen through sixteen? he would just, forget things. and then freak out because there were just these random people around him"

"do you think he will forget - me?"

josh didn't want to hear the answer, plus eavesdropping on a conversation just felt downright wrong. he decided it was time to face the disgusting truth of a reality he lived in. he didn't realize, however, how downright painful the headache that came with it was.

"ow"

"joshua!" the small brunette suddenly beamed in joy, relieved his friend had awoken from the previous scare.

"shhh tyler don't scare him"

"sorry"

"mom?"

the woman then let out an exasperated breath that she never knew she was holding until she felt her lungs loosen.

"josh? do you know what happened?" she asked, wanting to tear up not knowing how this happened so suddenly. tyler watched, wide eyed, begging and pleading that josh wouldn't forget him.

"hi tyler" josh spoke, a happy tint glimmering his lips as the smaller boy broke out in a beaming cheek curdling smile.

"josh? do you-?"

"please don't tell me i forgot stuff again" josh sat up, a headache pounding slightly as he suddenly moved his body.

his mother grabbed josh's hand sympathetically, "i don't - i don't know where it came from, how long since the last one?"

"three, four years?"

"do you remember what happened before?"

oh josh knew alright, he knew very well what was going on before he started freaking. however, the sudden sadness that filled tylers eyes was so incredibly overwhelming he couldn't tell the truth, again.

"no - i don't know what happened"

more worried questions from his mother bombarded into josh's foggy brain. his mind soon realizing that he just needed to be alone. it seemed as if his mom got the memo though, from the shifty eye movements towards tyler and the faulty breathing habits he did to keep calm. she soon reluctantly left the room, having that worried mom stare plastered on her face. both boys watched as she shut the door, leaving them alone in silence.

"joshua?"

"yeah"

tyler sat softly next to the shaken boy, laying his head on his shoulder and wrapping his arms around him lovingly.

"please don't forget me"

"i'll try tyler, i'll try"

•*•*•

,,,,

charlie