bonjour • joshler •

vingt-trois

josh suddenly flinched as he was harshly met with a sting of pain being slapped across his face. his mouth cried out a short yelp, holding his right cheek in his hand. he was sure it left a mark.

"you did what?!" his friend screamed, now completely frustrated with the pained boy in front of him.

"ow brendon what the hell?"

"yeah? you're lucky i didn't do anything worse!"

josh opened his mouth to speak, but was rudely cut off by an aggressive brendon. "in what right mind would that be okay?! how could you do that to him?"

"i didn't mean to - i-i didn't know what i was doing i was just so frustrated with this whole thing that's going on i just - i took it out on him okay!" josh ran a hand through his hair, sitting himself down on his friends couch. he felt completely useless.

"whether you were mad at the situation or not you had no right to make him feel that way! god i can't - like - are you fucking serious?" brendon struggled with his anger, trying to find the right words to say to hopefully put his friend back in his place, "i still can't get this through my head how you treated him like shit and then just walked off"

"i was stressed okay! what was i supposed to do? just stay there while he just sobs?"

brendon let his hands shoot outwards, "yes! that's exactly what you should've done!"

brendon was completely livid with how his friend acted. he just wanted to knock some stupid sense into him so he could just understand what he's doing wrong. he let his heart rate fall, though, once he saw how hurt josh really felt about the situation. brendon sighed and let himself slightly relax,

"you've been forgetting stuff again?" he asked. josh nodded and looked downward, his breath hitching.

"i just - i know it's my fault. everything is always my fault, you know? i never loved debby. i never loved anyone." josh's face was numb, "i guess - everything would just be better if i just - disappeared"

"oh shut the fuck up you evan hansen freak." brendon said, sitting opposite of him, "yeah, you fucked up. but so does everyone! i mean, look at me. i've done some stuff that hasn't exactly helped the situation, and i'm sorry for that. but you can't be like this."

the saddened boy sighed, "he probably hates me now"

"if he loves you the way you love him he wouldn't care, he's there for you just as i am, he's just a little harder to understand."

"i told you i don't love him, i love debby"

"oh for fucks sake - that too!" brendon stood up, "stop telling that to yourself! she hurts you emotionally more than you've hurt yourself. she's so toxic, plus she's not even hot"

"she has her moments" josh argued.

"break up with her. you'd be so surprised how much better your life would turn out"

josh nodded, understanding that she really isn't a good partner for him. he's definitely thought about breaking up, but never really wanted to. the thing was, he wasn't sure if debby would even let him. he tried before, after a huge fight they'd had, and she blackmailed him into staying together.

"you need tyler more than you need debby, and you know that."

"no i need to love debby, not tyler."

"you shouldn't need to love someone"

"and you don't need to get into my personal life" josh grew angry, hating the fact that debby slipped into the situation.

brendon raised his eyebrows, suddenly taken aback while frustration soon boiled in his mind. "oh i'm sorry? who was the one who showed up at my door crying? who was the one who ranted to me about their personal life? who-?"

"yeah? well when someone shows up at your door like i did you treat them with respect, not hit them"

"oh so this is my fault! sounds familiar!"

josh sucked in a breath, "i'm just saying you could be there for me instead of hurting me-!"

"no that's not what you're saying!" brendon pointed, "whenever someone tries to help you, you find any sort of excuse to push them away! stop fucking pushing people away and let them help you! you say this is your fault yet you try to blame it on anyone you see! tyler didn't deserve that, he deserves nothing but complete love and support. stop fucking things up!"

the room went silent. josh beginning to soak in brendon's angry words, his heart beat booming in his ears. brendon was trying to help, and josh just made him the culprit. soon everything in his mind tied together, he tried his best to keep his shaking to a minimum in fears he wouldn't remember anything prior.

he needed to stop this. he needed to apologize. to brendon, to his friends, and especially tyler. he needed to explain to his friends that it was his fault, and brendon did nothing. he needed to break up with debby, no matter how much she resisted. and he didn't need to love anyone.

he already loved a small brunette boy with a cute french accent.

"so what are you going to do?"