bonjour • joshler •

dix-huit

"josh, you need help"

the curly haired boy turned obviously frustrated towards his mom, knowing that it would be impossible for his mother to understand what kind of toll this type of conversation takes on him. they had been arguing about his recent freakout for a solid twenty minutes. josh was somewhat surprised that tyler hadn't come downstairs to see what racket they were causing.

"mom. for the last time. i'm okay. it was one time! it's not going to happen again."

"josh you don't know that! it could get worse"

"it's not g-"

"what's the last thing you remember, josh? the very last thing?"

he thought hard, his head somewhat sending an aching pulse into his brain. he thought back to five minutes ago and he suddenly didn't realize where he was or how he got there. he retraced his steps, the ones he could remember, and thought, tyler.

"carnival"

"josh-"

"carnival. tyler and i we - we went to a carnival"

"josh that was three days ago. do you even remember what you ate for breakfast this morning?"

"i-"

tyler.

"no i - don't remember"

the motherly figure sighed, wanting to call the doctor for her sons safety. however, they agreed that another freakout were to occur, the doctor would be notified. and that's exactly what josh didnt want. he would picture tyler thinking of him as some messed up freak.

he wished that someone just understood. he wished that people just knew that when people start pummeling him with questions and pressuring him into stressful situations things just get too much and his brain goes into autopilot, making a trash can for all of his memories.

"josh, this isn't normal, why is this happening all of a sudden? did something happen?"

"no mom i'm okay"

"are you sure? you and debby still doing alright?"

josh swallowed, his eyes shifting in slight fear that tyler might be eavesdropping, "um, yeah we're - we're doing fine"

"she's a beautiful girl you know, really sweet too, seems like a keeper-"

"don't - don't say that mom"

she made a confused face, wondering why her son was so incredibly distant to the topic that he was usually comfortably talking about.

"what do you mean? you seem to really love her josh"

"yeah i guess"