Sherlock Imagines

Never Was... [Never Realized... Part II] (MoriartyxReader)

Gonna try and write some happy for Carls. Whoopsies. -Expect much Moriarty- also, this is an alternative ending to my last update.

After the first time he'd come to your place, he'd begun finding himself there, right across the street, much more often. He enjoyed at least being able to see you, and the pain had dulled, yet he still felt the ache in his chest. He had to admit, your new boyfriend was doing much better than he ever did- treating you much better. He could see that you were happier, and he knew that was because of that stupid sod that had taken his place.
He had never wanted to be another person more. It made him sick watching how easily you two kissed, and the way you blushed after, just like you used to do when he kissed you. The main difference was Jim would kiss with a dominating force... and the new blonde would be gentle, kind.
He wished he'd done that. It looked nice, calming. And the way you smiled after was unlike anything else in the world. He wanted to see you smile like that at him, to tuck your hair behind your ear and press a soft kiss to your forehead. He wished he'd treated you like the queen you were.
He had been the idiot, he realized. And now he was trapped in an endless cycle. Whenever he left his home, he found himself here. Normally your boyfriend was there, but the few times he wasn't were Jim's favourites for obvious reasons. And when it was just your boyfriend that, Jim had quickly realized, lived with you, Jim often found himself following the man through the London streets, trying to convince himself not to blow the man's brains out. It was a difficult practice of patience.

So, when he found himself outside a low-star hotel while you were in some random country, showing the world that same beautiful smile he missed so much, he got more than curious. When he found your boyfriend had slipped into room 330- the same room a woman just a tad taller than you following a short while later, he felt that patience leave him completely. A few calls later, him and his lover (and Jim checked, she most definitely was) had two holes straight through their skulls. He was furious. He had everything, and he threw it away for some random woman that was nothing in comparison?! And the ache in his chest grew... he'd done it, too. He'd lost the only good thing in his life, because he never realized what he had until it was gone. Those thoughts haunting him, he arrived home.

He wasn't surprised you'd left whatever photo shoot you'd been at when you heard of your boyfriend's homicide. He was surprised, however, when he was pulled from his bout of depression by the buzzing of the door, finding you behind it- pissed beyond recognition.
"You did it- didn't you!?" The accusation through him off for a time, but you weren't done, "You just couldn't stand someone touching what's "yours", huh? Couldn't just let me be happy? Why do you even care!? You don't care about me- you never did!" Angry tears were retracing paths of stains of previous tears. This was his fault, once again. He wanted to pull you into his arms, apologize a million times and stop your tears. He wanted to kiss you softly, and have you smile at him. Sweet and adorable as you always were. But he couldn't...
"That's not- I didn't- hecheatedonyou." He didn't know what compelled him to spit that of all things out, but he stood there, staring into your eyes. They looked tired, and the skin around was puffy from crying.
"So?" That's all you had to say, he realized. And it confused the hell out of him. You'd let Jim walk all over you, and he'd taken advantage of that at one point. But he knew you had self respect- and a lot of it. Enough self respect to leave him when he did the same thing, enough to tell him off whenever he would say something condescending about you. Yet... you didn't even seem to care that the idiot had made that huge mistake.
"You did." This was his fault, he realized. You didn't care that some half-baked fool cheated on you, and that was because it wasn't the first time. That was because, the first time it happened, it was from a man who "didn't" care, and at least the second seemed to. Part of him was angry that you didn't care more. He shook his head gently.
"You deserve more than that." That shocked you, fully and completely. You really just stopped, watching him carefully. He looked back at you, almost seeming about to cry, himself. He'd watched you, taking note of all the different things he should've done differently. All those things he'd do if he ever got another chance... just for the arse to make the same mistakes he did.
"Then why did you." It was more of a statement than a question, but he answered, anyways. He had to.
"Because I didn't realize what I had until it was gone."