My Brother's Best Friend | ✓

15. "holding hands and stuff"

As crazy and awesome this week has been, that stupid logical part of my brain keeps telling me to stop. I really wish I could shut it off.

School is finally coming to a close, all of the teachers are giving us those college talks and farewell speeches. It almost makes me sad.

Camille and I came home together after school to catch up on some quality time together. After kicking our shoes off and walking into the house, we were greeted with Ryan and all his other college friends on the couch. Their voices were all overlapping as they yelled over the tv with the volume turned on full blast. He had apparently invited all of his hot guy friends from college over to play video games.

After we slammed the door we received several looks from the tall and muscular males sprawled over the comfy brown couches in the living room. Camille's eyes were scanning all of the guys and I could practically see her drooling already. Ryan introduced me as his little sister with her friend before waving us off. I honestly had no idea he had this many friends. It makes sense though, considering he never tells me anything.

Amongst all of the gorgeous older guys, only one brown haired hottie caught my eye. Sawyer saw me come in and sent me a smile right away. "Which one is he?" Camille whispered to me as I grabbed two cold water bottles from the fridge and handed one to her. She whispered even though it was so loud I was concerned about the neighbours complaining.

I nonchalantly pointed in his direction from around the corner of the staircase and she looked at him. She raised her eyebrows and grinned. I quickly pulled her upstairs before she got the chance to do something to embarrass me and we went into my room.

We shared a nice conversation about school and whatnot. Camille obviously mentioned her new 'boy toy', as she liked to call it and he really seemed great. It almost makes me jealous that her guy comes with no complications. She can freely see him whenever she pleases and oh there's that thing where, he's not her brothers best friend.

Later that night after everyone left I decided to go for a late night walk, to clear my mind. I find myself doing that a lot lately but my mind is far from clear.

I had always loved walking outside at night. It was so peaceful. The empty streets, the cold breeze and the bright stars. I would always listen to music and just stroll around the neighbourhood. And that's exactly what I did today after dinner.

I was taking a walk, trying to balance on the curb of the sidewalk, with my headphones in. I've been trying to clear my head for the past 15 minutes and it's clearly not working. Sawyer keeps popping into my mind with his damn sexy abs and it sucks because he probably doesn't feel the same way.

I was abruptly taken out of my thought by a tap on my shoulder, causing me to jump. I swiftly turned around and immediately took my headphones out. "It's only me" Sawyer calmed me down.

"What the hell?" a feminine shriek came out of me.

"I'm sorry, it's just I saw you sneak out and I thought you could use some company".

"You followed me?" I ask though I already knew the answer.

"Well, kind of". I really didn't know if that was more creepy or cute.

"I was hoping I could spend some more time with you".

"Okay". We both continue walking along together and I kick some rocks with my feet. It was quiet but it wasn't awkward. It was nice. But my stupid conscience decided to ruin the moment.

"So," he says and I keep my head down.

"So".

"What's on your mind?" I see him glance over at me in my peripheral vision. I pause for a bit but then I decide this would be the perfect time to talk to him about everything."You".

"Me?".

"Yea, you," I say. "Us, or whatever this is?"

"What do you mean?" he looks away dipping his hands into his pockets. I've noticed he does this when he's nervous. Like when my mom asks him about school or other stuff, he usually does the same thing.

"I mean how do you feel? About what happened?".

"I don't-" he paused before letting out a sigh. "Look I really feel bad, I've been selfish with you. I know it's wrong and I should have never came in your room that night".

"Why did you?".

"I just can't control myself around you. You have no idea what you do to me Holly". I stopped walking to process his words. I almost don't believe him. "So what does that mean? Like what does that make us?". He stopped walking as well and turned to me.

"I don't know. But you're Ryan's sister. It's wrong, and I'm not going to do that anymore". It almost crushes my heart to hear him say that.

"But what if I don't want you to?" I say after another small moment of silence. I was starting to freeze as we were standing still on the dimly lit, cold sidewalk.

He looked up immediately and the whole world melted away. I know it sounds cheesy but that's how he makes me feel. I was warm again. He can make me feel so wild and make me want to jump his bones but then sometimes when we share those simple moments like catching each other staring from across the dinner table or bumping into eachother in the hallway, I get this warm and safe feeling.

"You dont?".

"No. But it's not like we can do anything. You're in a different college and my mom probably wouldn't let us date. It's not like we could just walk around holding hands and stuff".

"We don't have to be like that. We could just enjoy our time together. There doesn't need to be a lable, I just wanna get to know you Holly".

"What happened to I'm going to stay away from you?" I quote him.

"I try, but I just can't stop thinking about you" he comes in and grabs my hand. I look down and watch as our fingers intertwine. "Did what happened yesterday, mean anything to you?" I ask. He comes in even closer pressing his chest up against mine. "Of course it did Holly".

"All of it meant something" he added.

This just made me realize that maybe I shouldn't be fighting my feelings for Sawyer, I should be embracing them.

"Let me take you out, anywhere, we can get to know each other better".

"But, Ryan-" I remind him of the obstacle standing in our way.

"He won't find out. Please?". When I look into those puppy eyes, how could I possibly say no?

I bite my lip, frustrated. "Don't do that, Holly" he says. "Do what?" I furrow my brows.

"Bite your lip". He stares at me and I notice the lustful look in his eyes. "Why?".

"It does things to me" he steps back slightly. I giggle softly and bite my lip again playfully, causing him to chuckle. He shakes his head and looks away for a moment before reconnecting our eyes again.

The warm feeling that he gave me soon left, and I was shivering again. Sawyer noticed it right away and took off his red hoodie. He gave it to me and helped me slide it on. It was so warm and it smelled like him. Just like that, the warm feeling returned.

"Come on, let's go home".

~

Sorry this update took so long. I was up north for a while and didn't have time to write. I'll be posting more this week before school starts :)