My Brother's Best Friend | ✓

20. "screwing around"

I heard muffled yelling through the crack in my door that night. I couldn't quite make out the details but the phrase "You were fucking my little sister this whole time" came up once. I'm really glad mom wasn't home to hear that because that would have made matters even worse.

I fell asleep with my music playing to drown out the noise.

When I woke up the sun was beaming through my windows making my eyes squint. Ryan's door was wide open and Sawyer's stuff appeared to be gone. He'd left without saying a word to me but I'm assuming it wasn't all up to him.

Mom came back for lunch and we all eat together as usual. She brought us cold sandwiches from the office but it was still better than all those leftovers I've been eating lately. She questioned why Sawyer decided to leave a day earlier but Ryan just shut her down.

I wanted to speak up during the meal but decided against it, thinking that my brother probably just needs some more time to simmer down. He can't stay mad at me forever, right?

Me
Hey can you come over? I need to talk

Camille
On my way!

I told her everything and we just sat on our phones for a while trying to figure out what we can do. I looked up and Cam was busy scrolling through Instagram. My window was open and a peaceful gust of cold wind flew by, brushing up against my skin. The house was very tense and quiet. No one was playing video games in the living room and mom was asleep in her room.

Jacob is probably mad at me for turning him down and I have no idea where Sawyer went. This sucks.

When I came out of my room Ryan saw me and slammed his door so fast it blew air in my face. It felt a little harsh because he never got this mad at me before. Even when I took his car in the tenth grade without asking and crashed it into a tree.

Camille eventually dragged me out of the house and we went for a late night walk to cheer me up.

"Just give him time" she kept telling me. We were shuffling our feet through the dimly lit street. I was wearing an old pair of sweatpants that fit just right and even though they were covered in stains and torn in some places, they were my favourite pair.

"Has Sawyer talked to you at all?" she asked.

"No".

"Then maybe you should".

I want to but the thing is, I don't even know how. So after the walk I thought it over and devised a clever plan.

When Ryan left his room to go downstairs I snuck in and searched for his phone. Thankfully he didn't have a passcode because otherwise I would've been screwed. How dumb of him? Don't you know how easily people can access your phone?

I went through his contacts and found Sawyer's number. I heard footsteps so I quickly wrote it down and placed the phone back where I found it. Thankfully I made it in my room before he saw me and I shut the door.

Me
Hey, it's me, Holly. I stole your number from Ryan. Can we meet?

I waited for a while and went through the old photos on my phone but still got no response.

So I threw my phone on the bed and decided to take a long shower instead. I turned the shower faucet to hot and waited for the water to warm up. I let my hair down from the messy bun I had on previously and stepped in letting the hot water hit my skin. After a while, I just got lost in my thoughts. I watched as the water hit my feet and I closed my eyes, imagining myself under a waterfall, peaceful.

I realized I was using up all the hot water so I finally got out and wrapped myself in a towel.

The first thing I did was check phone but still no response. While on my phone I noticed I still hadn't replied to Jacob and I couldn't even be bothered right now, with everything else that's going on.

I ended up staying up really late, as I always do, just doodling to get my mind off things. When I was 12 I started this journal full of doodles that I would continuously work on whenever I needed to gather my thoughts. Mom always says I was a pretty artistic child. She almost sent me to an art school but I begged her not to because Camille was going to a different school.

Anyways, it's pretty therapeutic to just draw anything that comes to mind. It's crazy to look back on some of the things I've drawn, it's like a deep look into what's really going on in my head.

Somehow the next thing I remember is waking up to loud pounding on my door and mom's voice telling me that breakfast is ready at 8:00 am.

Every day now seemed so routine and even though I was now finally free from school and other obligations, it didn't feel like it.

At breakfast, mom discussed the graduation ceremony that was coming up next week and Ryan just remained silent. I tried talking to him but he completely ignored me. Again. It's gotten to the point where mom had to intervene. Usually she would just leave us be and have us resolve the argument ourselves, but this time even she could tell it was something serious.

"What's going on guys? Ryan, you've been ignoring your sister for two days now, I simply don't understand" she turned to him and his head was resting in the palm of his hand.

"Well mom, she was screwing around-" he had an angry grin on his face.

"Don't worry about it! Everything is fine, mom" I didn't want to give him the chance to explain himself and have mom find out the real reason he's upset.

I grabbed my plate and excused myself from the table. After I stomped upstairs my phone vibrated and I leaped to get it.

Sawyer
Alright I'll meet you but we have to go somewhere we know for sure we won't bump into Ryan

It's kinda strange how paranoid he was but I get where he's coming from. So we decided to meet the last place Ryan would go; the library.

I arrived there 10 minutes earlier and picked a spot on the benches behind the actual building. It was a local library so it was usually pretty packed but considering school was out and it was a Sunday, there were few people here.

I looked up and saw him approaching me swiftly. He had dark black jeans on and a plain navy blue t-shirt on. His hair was messily quiffed and he paired his outfit with his classic black vans that he always wore. As soon as ours eyes met, all the suppressed feelings came back.

He sat next to me. He seemed very distant and he used minimal words when we talked. The conversation was short and sweet and I could tell he was itching to come out and tell me what's really on his mind. He expressed his concern on the topic and I tried to ressure him and tell him that everything will be okay.

I placed my hand over his, resting on his lap, and he immediatly moved it. "Look Holly, this was a mistake. It was very wrong of me to do what I did but I did it anyway".

"No-" I begin.

"Ryan's not talking to me Holly". He showed no eye contact and seemed very withdrawn. "I can't just see you behind his back, if he clearly has a problem with it".

"What happened to 'we have a connection' and 'I want to get to know you' blah blah?" I moved a strand of hair out of my face.

"I-" he exhales deeply. After a moment of silence I decided I've had enough.

"Fine" I storm off. "Wait Holly!" he calls out but it's too late.

Guess it just wasn't meant to be.