You made it all better

Dinner night

Here we are, at a restaurant. After one of the weirdest days ever. I still don't really know what to say and what to think about this dinner. I need to know what Damon wants. But let's just enjoy this night first.
We sit down at a table for two and it's a bit awkward, but in a good way, if you know what I mean.
"Wait" Damon says. "You do eat meat, right?"
"Uhm yes, I like chicken."
"Okay good. Because this is a meat restaurant, would've been a bad move if you didn't eat meat."
I laugh, it seems like Damon doesn't really know what to say either and it's funny.
"I wanted to thank you about what you said earlier, about me being important to my brother by taking care. It let me see that I probably do mean something to him."
I just smile. Than the waiter arrives with our food. We thank him and I try to change the topic.
"So, you don't actually have a job, right?" Okay, maybe I could've brought that out a bit different... But Damon doesn't seem to care.
"Yeah, our dad is very rich, we don't really have to do anything."
"And you don't want to? There's nothing that you would like to do for a living?"
"If there is, I haven't really found it out yet."
"'Really', but there is something?"
"Why are you asking this?"
"Maybe I can help, maybe I can convince you to push through."
"I don't know Elena."
It's quiet for a moment. Maybe I've said too much, that's something I do and some people don't like it, I know that. I try to look in his eyes, but he just looks at the table with his food on it. I don't want to push him to tell me. But after a while he starts to talk.
"When our mom died I didn't want anything in life for a long time. I got out because my brother helped me. Maybe I'd like to do something like that, help people get out of something they're stuck in."
That's so beautiful.
"But you're not sure if u can?"
He looks at me. I know enough.
"I think you can." I take his hand, he looks at me and than pulls away.
"I'm sorry." I say.
"I just feel like I can't do this, you know with my brother."
"I know, I understand." But it kind of feels good, he doesn't say he doesn't want it. I hate these mixed signals, but my feelings dominate it. I feel like I can tell him anything, and I feel like I want to tell him everything. I just feel like I want him to know everything about me. So here I am, telling him this, what I haven't told anyone ever before.
"Damon, I need to tell you something."
"What's that?"
"I didn't really tell you the truth about why I left. I want to tell you, but it's one of my biggest fears to ever tell someone."
"Do you want to tell it here, we can go somewhere else if you want to?"
"No, that's okay."
His eyes make me feel calm, nervous too, but at this moment calm.
"Sometimes I just have the feeling that I am standing on my own. When I was a little girl I always told everything to my mom, and only my mom. So after she died I didn't have that person anymore. I can talk to my aunt and to Cas about a lot, but I don't feel like I can talk to them about everything. So when there's something wrong I just crop it all up and wait for it to go away. But it doesn't, it's all still there, but I just get better at hiding it. That's why I go to bars sometimes to get drunk, and that's why I push people away when I finally have some that care. And I know there are a lot people that care, my dad, my sister, my best friend and her mother, Stefan now, and you. But sometimes I just feel like I'm on my own with that. I don't know why." I am almost crying, but I keep it in.
"What I'm about to say is probably the most cliché thing ever, and maybe you don't even want to hear this, but Elena. You're not alone and you will never be alone."
I smile and a tear is strolling down my cheek. It feels so good to have said this, to finally have told someone this. The rest of the night we just talk about some fun things from our childhood, we laugh a lot and when it's 11.30pm we leave. I enjoy being around him so much, it makes me feel more alive than I've ever felt. Damon drives me home and when we get there he gets out too. He gives me a hug and whispers in my ear.
"I won't tell anyone what you told me tonight."
I smile and hug tighter.
"Thankyou."
"Goodnight Elena."
"Goodnight Damon."