The Girl In The Night

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

Lexi's P.O.V.

I run into the house and nearly crash into my dad as he's walking through.

"Whoa, where's the fire, Lex? What's goin' on?"

I freeze, but turn away from him. I don't want him to see my face. I don't want him to know I've been crying or drinking.

I quickly say, "I'm not feelin' great. I think I'm gonna be sick..."

I head for my bedroom and lock myself in my bathroom. I lean over the toilet, but nothing comes out, just dry heaving. Once that has subsided, I get into the shower. How is any of this possible? What have I done? I messed up my life because of the things Nate said and it's all a lie?

No, it can't be true. He's never had feelings for me. He's never cared. Has he?

When I come out of my bathroom, my dad is standing in the doorway of my bedroom. He looks concerned.

"What's wrong, Lex? What happened?"

I mutter, "I don't feel so good. Maybe all the long hours are catchin' up on me. I know you said we can't have time off this week, but can I have a day please?"

"Of course you can. You need me to get you anythin'?"

"No sir. I think I just need to sleep."

"Ok. Hey, Lex? Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Nothin' to talk about, dad. Just feelin' sick."

He nods and closes my door on his way out. I curl up in my bed and try to sleep. I'm wide awake though and my mind is running through the last six years of my life. I'm trying to figure out if Nate is really telling me the truth or not. I mean, he was in no fit state to lie after that dance.

Oh no, the dance! I gave Nate a private dance. I didn't hold back much, either. The only way it could have been worse is if I'd have stripped. That's my brother's best friend. This is bad; no, this is far worse than bad. How am I ever going to live with the shame of it? Nate didn't seem to mind though. In actual fact, he seemed to quite enjoy it. Although he is a man and that's pretty much a given when it comes to the male species.

I start to think back on all the little things that could have been Nate. I used to assume it was Caleb who was outside my bedroom door. Did Nate really do that? Every night? Why would he do something like that?

What about the breakfasts I would find in the barn for me? Was that Nate? Or was that my parents because they were worried about me not eating properly? I'm pretty much questioning my whole childhood now. What if everything I think is real actually isn't? What if all of my memories are misguided?

My life would have been so different if I'd have known this earlier. There was no way I was going to ask Nate about it back then, but if he cared about me so much, then he should have insisted that I listen to him. He could have done something to prove to me that he didn't hate me. And what about my last night in this town at the lake? It didn't seem like he cared about me when he was raging, trying to get me out of there.

To be honest, I'm not quite sure I believe him. I think that's what he thinks is the truth, but maybe he's just as misguided. Maybe this is how he copes, making up lies and believing them. I don't even know what the truth is anymore.

I spend the whole of Saturday in bed. I don't come out of my room for anything. I don't even think about food. I feel bad about the horses not being worked, but one day won't make too much of a difference. I'll wake up early tomorrow and ride them before the rest of the guys start work. If I can get my jobs done before they appear, then I can go out on fence check and be on my own. I don't want to be around anyone right now. I just want a day to wallow in my own self pity. Tomorrow I will get up and pretend like nothing happened. Just for today, I need to take some time. I need to steel myself so I'm ready to face tomorrow. Maybe that's selfish or pathetic, but that's the way it is.