The Girl In The Night

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Four

Lexi's P.O.V.

My mom doesn't enter the kitchen until all of the guys have left for the barn. I so desperately want to be out there with them. I think I sorted out the Austin problem, but I know that the problem with my mom won't be so easy to solve. I'm more scared of my mom than anyone else. Despite being independent and hardy, I don't want to disappoint my folks. It kills me that my mom isn't proud of me and doesn't even like me.

I'm loading the dishwasher when my mom walks in.

Her tone is firm when she states, "We need to talk."

I whisper, "Yes ma'am."

There is no sense in arguing with this woman. I'll never win that argument. Even my dad doesn't argue with her because he knows it's useless.

"You weren't at supper last night, Alexis."

There is no question so I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to talk yet.

"Do you know how embarrassing that was for your father and I? Everyone knows we eat supper together every night. Do you know how that made us look in front of our guests? They would have known you weren't there because of them. How shameful is that?"

My voice is quiet when I speak, "I lost track of time. I was workin' Dusty and I didn't realize the time. Sorry."

"That's not really good enough anymore, Alexis. You can't keep doing things wrong and then making apologies. You're not a teenager anymore. You need to start acting like an adult. You need to think about the consequences of your actions. What you do doesn't just affect you. It's not just about you and you need to stop thinking that it is."

I stare at her in disbelief for a few minutes, not knowing what to say. Tears well up in my eyes involuntarily, but I refuse to let them fall. This isn't going to work. Despite what Nate said, no one can make my mom change her mind and no one can fix this situation.

I take a deep breath and manage to force out, "I'm sorry you feel that way, mom. I didn't think my return would cause so many problems for you. I don't know what I'm doin' wrong, so it must be who I am that's the problem. I'll sell these horses and I'll be gone by the end of the month..."

She slams her hand down on the counter and exclaims, "Stop holding that over our heads! Every time it gets a bit difficult you threaten to leave!"

I try to bite back my anger so I can stay as level headed as possible, "No, that's not the case. I say I'll leave because I don't wanna upset y'all or make things difficult for y'all. I make you ashamed and you worry about what people will say, so I say that to take myself out of the equation. I love y'all and I love this place, but if you're always gonna worry about gossip or me doin' somethin' wrong, then there's no point me stayin'. None of us will be happy like that. If all y'all are happier without me, then I'll accept that."

"Don't talk such trash, Alexis..."

I take a deep breath and try to show her what I mean, "Come on, mom, you know I'm right. You're happier in Daisy and Dan's company. You're even happier when Nate is around. I mean, it says a lot that you assumed I'd done somethin' wrong with Lily before you'd even found out what had happened. My mom is supposed to fight my corner, not help someone drag me down. Yes, I made a mistake and didn't strap the baby in, but I didn't know any different. That was an honest mistake, except y'all are actin' like I did it deliberately. You always see the wrong things I've done but never the good. I don't know how to please you anymore and I don't know how to fix that."

"I want you to be the girl you were before. The one who did as she was told and followed the rules."

"Well, that can't happen. I'm not who I was ten years ago and I don't intend to be. At least I won't be a disappointment much longer. I'm sorry for everythin'."