I lost her.

* 6 *

Courtney and I had shared some really special moments. I couldn't be there for her birthday but I made it worthwhile from a distance. At the end of her big day, I managed to go and see her. I didn't have a gift for her but she appreciated my efforts, regardless. For once I actually didn't have to drain myself for a girl. It was beautiful.

I was seeing her later in the evening of a random night. I couldn't wait to see her.

We were outside but her body language said something unpleasant and I wanted to hear it.

"So I've been paying attention to your social media." she said.
I wanted to hear where this was going.
"Oh okay." I responded.
"Why are you still following her and stuff?" she asked.
"Who?"
"Denise." she said.
"Denise?" I was so confused as to how she got that far.
"Denise!" she sounded angry.
"Oh, she's just a good friend of mine. I wouldn't find it necessary to let her go like that and I wouldn't find it important to worry about her either if I were you."
"Excuse me?" she was furious .
"Well, she's just a friend now, I swear."
"Oh? Is that how you see it? Well I don't like it. It doesn't feel right. Knowing that she always tries to come back and you're entertaining her like this? Sorry, it doesn't work with me."
"Well, I can't help you there." I said.
"Excuse me?"
"I can't do it. It's not right." I couldn't do it. I've never done it."
"Well, it's funny because you don't take such risks when it comes to the people you care about and I'd never do that to you but you know what? It's fine. I'm leaving. I'm going home."

She turned away from me and I admit I felt bad for what I did.

"Courtney, stop." I yelled.

She turned to look at me.
"I will do it. I love you. I don't want to risk losing you over anything."
She looked surprised as she walked back to me.

"Are you serious?"
"Yes I am. Now, come here." I said.
I took my phone out and did as she asked me to do. It changed her whole mood and made her happy. I brought her into my arms and kissed her forehead.

"I love you, Courtney."
"I love you too, Sam."
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She was an amazing girl. She prayed for me when I didn't think she was.

It was a Sunday night and we were hanging out in the evening. I had been at church earlier on because I was so overwhelmed by a lot of things. I didn't see where I was heading with all my stress. So I had to break up with her. I wasn't sure how to tell her because she had been having a good day all day but I had to break it off with her.

She was with Lucky when I arrived. A cool guy she's friends with. This couldn't wait. I had to break up with her..

"Hey babe. Lucky and I were just talking about you. How was your day?" she kissed me.

Oh no...

"It was okay babe, yours?" I tried to keep it casual.
"It was fine."

"Lucky, can I just have a minute with her?"
"Sure, don't mind me." he said.
"See you now, Lucky." she said.

She faced me and fixed my collar. Her gentleness. I felt so bad for what I was about to do.

"So, wassup?" she asked.
"Babe..." I started.
"Mhm...I'm listening..."
"I think we should break up." I said.

The look on her face changed. It was almost like she wanted to make sense out of everything I had just said.

"Why? What's wrong?" she asked with pain in her voice.

I'm glad she asked then at least I have a valid reason for what I'm doing.

"Well, I do have trust issues and besides that, I spoke to God about it and this is just not for me. I'm doing too many things and there's you on the other hand."

I was hoping she wouldn't take it the wrong way. She was silenced. I was hoping she was okay.

"Court? You okay?"
"I did nothing to deserve this!" she cried.
"I know. I'm sorry."
"I did nothing to you at all! You've had girls break your heart your whole life but I came to make it right and you dismissed me like that? How could you? I can't believe you."

"I'm so sorry, Court. Goodbye."

I couldn't face her. I had to leave. I couldn't watch what I had just done to her at all.