I lost her.

*64*

Rejoice moved in with me since I really had no female support in my household. I enjoyed living with my sister.

Mitchell was spending the week with us. I had to go and pick him up. Courtney and I were co-parenting. So it was a blended family.

"Are you off to pick Mitch up?" Rejoice asked.
"Yes, yes. Have you seen my keys?"
"Right here."
"Oh thanks. See you in a few minutes."
"Alright."

I drove all the way to James and Courtney's new home.

I rung the doorbell.

"Come in, Sam. I know it's you." she yelled from inside the house.
I walked in and she was making breakfast that smelled so amazing.
"Mhm. It smells good here. How did you know?"
"I was expecting you, duh."
"Where is he? Is he ready?" I asked.
"Mitch, come now. Your dad's here."
"Coming, mom." he yelled from upstairs.

I was patiently waiting for my son when James walked into the kitchen.

"Sam, man how is it?" he shook my hand.
"Great, great. Can't say much." I said.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah." he ended off

As a man, I could feel the tension between us and I didn't want Courtney to feel it. I don't want her getting the wrong impression from James and I but man to man, I knew what was wrong.

The awkward moment faded when Mitch came downstairs
"Hey, dad." he said.
"Hey, my boy. How are you? Are you ready to go?"
"Yes, sure."
"Alright, now kiss your mother goodbye." I insisted.

He went to Cournty, held her cheeks and kissed her. That moved my heart.

"Did you forget anything?" she asked.
"No, mom. I'm not that forgetful."

Man! She was so beautiful! Watching her play her role as a mother made me realize how much I should have never played with her feelings.

"If you say so, honey. Did you say bye to your other dad?" she asked.
"I did"

"Where is my goodbye handshake, though? Come here." James intervened. Probably to spite me.

I watched them do their handshake and I realized I missed most of my son's life.

I thought I had it all by letting go the one woman who truly loved me without fail. I cannot begin to imagine the struggles she faced without me. The times she needed me after I had abandoned her and our son. Now she has it all together. A home, a husband and our son.

This is he woman who loved me and I only realize now that I actually loved her.

I had her so close within my reach...
But...

I lost her.