I lost her.

* 12 *

I was overwhelmed by the situation and besides that, I was out of love with her. I was tired of the fighting, I was stressed and just wanted her gone. I couldn't wait to get rid of her. I just had to support her emotionally first after the abortion but she had to go.

I was minding my own business when I started noticing Lizelle. She's also a Law student. We have met at functions. I've seen her all my life, she's beautiful. We've never spoken much but I figured that I needed to start making my move. Lizelle was rushing out of class when she accidentally bumped into a classmate, bumping into me and dropping her textbook.

"I'll get that for you." I smiled at her.
"Oh, dont worry. It's fine." she smiled back.
I helped her, regardless. I loved how she instantly started talking about the lesson.
"How was it?" she asked
"I could have done better. I need to be practicing tonight."
"Same here. It's quite a challenging module, if you ask me."
"Yup."

We continued talking and I realized how much in common I have with her. Almost like she understood me. Courtney didn't understand me. Courtney would have never brought up a conversation like that. Lizelle and I went to the cafeteria and later decided we should practice at my place for the night.

Later on in the evening we did just that. She came over, ready and all geared up for work. She is amazingly beautiful. She is well built and smart too. Before we could even talk about work, we were talking about how we see the world. She thought like me. I enjoyed her company more than anything else.

This carried on for a few days. Sometimes we'd meet out or at her place. She was from another province, so she also resided this side for school. I had been spending so much time with her I forgot to call and ask Courtney how the abortion went. This was perfect. I wasn't having a child, I had just met the girl of my dreams and I would slowly get rid of Courtney. It was perfect.

While I realized I was falling for Lizelle, I had to make the move. So I called Courtney to ask her how everything went.

"So baby , did you do it?"
"Uhm..." she stuttered.
I didn't like the sound of that.
"Uhm?"
"I didn't. I couldn't. You're going to be a dad."
"What!" I shouted!
"I can't do it. It's an innocent life."
"What about me?" I asked.
"What about my health and emotional being?"

I didn't hear a word she said apart from I'm going to be a daddy! I was furious! How could this girl do this! I trusted her with my future! She's been with me for so long and knows what I want out of life! How could she just disregard it like that? I guess I was right about my feelings for Lizelle. Lizelle would have never done this to me! I refuse to be part of this! Courtney and her child can get out of my life and the words came out.

"You don't care about me, do you! I trusted you. You said you wouldn't do this but you did! I don't want you anymore! I'm officially done with you and this kid. You are nothing to me. I won't ever come back for you. You are on your own with this child."
"Oh listen to your childish self! Fine, go on with your life! Go tell the next woman you abandon your kids!"
"Don't worry about her! I've been spending nights with her. I'm moving on. Goodbye."

I hung up but I was so furious! All I wanted to do is see Lizelle and talk to her.  So immediately after the phone call I called her to come over. 

"Hey, Sam."
"Hey beautiful. Where are you?" I asked her.
"Oh, I'm at res. You're okay. You don't sound too good."
"Uh....I'm fine. Just missing you. Want to come over?"
"Sure, I'm on my way."
"Thanks,see you."

I needed to release my stress.