One Shots/Short Stories || Langst

•Red beads•

Description: It seems Lance just can't stop visiting the healing pods.

Relationships: Hints Shklance

⚠️Trigger Warning⚠️: Depression, Cutting, panic/anxiety attacks and hints of eating disorder.

(A/N~ And here, we have more angst... now in shklance-flavor! Also, this is long af. Sorry for all the spelling mistakes!)

<><><><><><><><><><>

I am beginning to feel like I am breaking and it makes me fight harder. I joke and smile and try desperately to always lift the team's morale. They don't quite seem to understand me, but that's alright. I try to include Hunk by complimenting his cooking. I try to put Pidge to bed at a reasonable time to take a break from looking for her family. I sometimes spar with Shiro, but that's more of a Keith type of job. Usually though, I comfort him after a nightmare. I am still trying to include Keith, to make him less sad and grumpy. If I just keep trying, they'll all be alright. They had to be. But at night I am not sleeping well. I toss and turn and I am unable to get my mind to shut off. The headphones make it easier and I found, if I train hard, I can just be exhausted enough to collapse into sleep.

Today is like any other mission, I am trying my hardest to protect the others, but I fail miserably and get hurt. When I first wake up from the healing pod, I feel a little lightheaded, but the team says I'm doing well.

When I go to sleep that night, I find that I have no trouble going to sleep. I even am on time for breakfast with everyone. Of course I don't actually eat, I just sit and listen to what everyone is talking about.

"You feeling better?" Shiro asks  with a smile.

"Yeah!" I enthusiastically grin. I'm not forcing the smile or fighting back those thoughts that often pull at me. I feel really great!

It doesn't last.

~~~~~~~

We all return from a difficult mission and I am not even aware of how terrible I feel until I go to sleep. I can't stop my brain from going over the events of the day and recycling the moments when I could've done better or done things differently. I threw up a couple times after the mission as well.

I turn Pidge's headphones up louder and pull my eye-mask tighter around my head. I feel tears slip from behind the mask and drip down my face, making my mouth taste salty.

Be stronger. Be better. They needed you to be better than this.

~~~~~~~

I duck under a fallen (some type of alien) tree stump and, when I am able to, I fire away. Keith is supposed to come find me and run back to out Lions. The signal comes and I duck down, crawling towards the place the team agreed to meet.

"Lance! Took you long enough!" Keith hisses at me. I ignore him and we both try to meet the others. Both of us are running when more bullets fly at us, one of them hitting me in the shoulder.

I gasp and fall to the ground in pain and shock. Keith must've not noticed because all he did was scold me.

"Lance, get up! We have to- wHOA you're actually hurt!" Keith helps me up and loops an arm around my waist.

"I'm cold and tired." I whisper and put all my weight on the half Galra breed.

Keith is saying something and he looks way too concerned for my comforting. I must be losing it...