One Shots/Short Stories || Langst

•Blue's Clues•

Description: Lancey boy is sad and Coran is just there for him.

Warning: depression

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-Lance's pov-

I felt so lonely. So hated. I could not remember the last time I'd received a hug, or the last time I heard 'I love you.'

No one looks up to because of my personality or me as a person. No, they look up to because I know how to handle a weapon. Without the skill, I would've been dead the moment I ended up in space. I know this is where I belong. I'm not special. No one loves me for me.

I lay in bed at night and empty tears into my pillow. The sound in my room filled with soft whimpers. I'd block out all sources of light in an attempt to separate myself from the rotten world I live now. Unfortunately, I had to sleep, and when I slept, I had to wake up. Every morning, every day leading to the same events that tore my heart up.
So I savored every night, pouring out my heart to the only thing I have; nothing.

The isolation was an addiction I would never give up, the only high I had. With it, I could be myself and it would only be me, no one else to give me false praise.

Though I wasn't truly alone. Misery would never leave me.

One particular mission completely shattered my facade. Twenty innocent civilians died, all because I could not help in time. I begged Shiro for forgiveness.

"Shiro, I'm sorry I didn't do what you said. Please forgive me!"

Shiro only gave me a curt nod.

As soon as I arrived back from the mission, I excused myself to my room, giving that I had to go put on a face mask. They nodded and returned to eating. Of course they didn't care about my odd behavior, what did I expect?

When the door closed behind me, I didn't even make it to my bed. I had collapsed, my back slumped against the wall beside the door as I buried my face in my hands, gritting my teeth and hissing as hot tears poured out of my eyes.

If the others saw me like this, saw me being the weakling I truly was, they'd not even be surprised or maybe surprised. After all, no one would expect to the go-lucky Lance McClain to actually have other feelings. The self loathing was a common ritual during my private time.

"My fault..." I would murmur over and over, like some kind of a mantra that never seemed to end. "Quiznak it all..." I ran my hand through my short hair, clawing at my scalp when my tremors of sorrow increased into sobs. I'd clench and grind my jaw, forcing myself to drive away the oncoming flashes of psychosis. My thoughts tore through my mind, bouncing around my skull and pushing out any shimmer of positivity.

"Lance, my boy!"

No, no, no. Not now...

I tried to force my episode to an end, to pick up my regular attitude and smile, but I couldn't. I couldn't stop myself from crying, I couldn't stop the pounding in my head.

"Coran... go...away..." Was all I would muster, the usual happy tone had faded into a soft whimper.

"What is wrong? You don't sound too good." Coran stated.

Coran punched the key pad to try opening the door, but it was locked.

Lance was like a son to him. He reminded him of his son he had in Altea before the Galra empire took it.

When he finally entered the room, he was surprised into a million pieces when he found his beloved Paladin. At first he could not find him anywhere, due to the dim lights, but when he finally did, he wished he would of come sooner.

A frustrated scowl was plastered on my instead of my usual smile.

"Lance..." A look of sorrow replaces Coran's happy face as he walked in and kneeled down to me.

"G-Go away." I repeated, looking up at the orange haired man with tear soaked eyes.

With a soft sob, I buried my face back into my hands as I tried my best to hide from the older man. Coran grabbed my head in both of his hands and tugged my face up to meet his concerned stare. I didn't fight or resist, I don't shove the man away.

"It's okay. Shh..." Coran pulled back when my whimpering had subsided. "I'm proud of you for letting your emotions out." Coran beams.

"Lance, you're human. You're human!" He threw his hands up, making me furrow my brows. "Humans cry. You can't hold things in forever!" Coran said.

I nodes and wiped away my tears. "Thanks, Coran."

I hug him, resting my head on his shoulder. We sat there until Hunk came and told us that dinner was ready.