That Peculiar Feeling | Mphfpc ~Enoch O'Connor~

Chapter Thirty-eight

A/N~ so this chapter may seem a little graphic, I'll give a warning that it may include some scenes related to suicide, but don't worry, that's not what I'm implying! Once again hope you enjoy!

"Can nobody see what's going to happen!" Enoch's voice became louder and more aggressive. "He's going to leave, and hurt everyone all over again! Just like his grandfather."

I dug my nails deeper into the palms of my hands, remembering that they were no longer locked up.

"You don't know that. You-"

But there I stopped, suddenly, for he gave me a look so swift and so venomous, so threatening that the words caught in my throat. He stepped towards me, his now hateful eyes glaring into me like needles.

"And you do?"

I opened my mouth to protest, but Enoch's anger was bubbling over the surface, and I could see it in his face.

"You know what it's like for people to abandon you? People you thought cared about you?" He spat. My teeth ground so hard against each other, I could feel it through my skull. I could feel my eyes heat up, as my mind raced with images. Images I didn't want to see.

"You know what Enoch?" I whispered, only because if I tried to say it any louder I would be screaming. "Maybe I don't want people to care about me. Because then all I can do is count reasons why they shouldn't." I paused, feeling hot tears roll down my cheeks, and my nails digging deeper into my palms.

Enoch didn't respond, just kept the same piercing look aimed at me.

"I've got this monster in my head, trying to tear me apart from the inside. So I play dead until that monster leaves me alone! But I can't play dead forever, because in a few days, I have to prove to Miss Avocet that the monster isn't going to hurt anyone!"

Enoch's expression shifted into one of confusion. "Calm down, and say that again." His voice had changed it's tone to a softer one.

"No! I am so sick of calming down!"

He took another step towards me, but I backed away. "I'm supposed to be strong. I'm supposed to learn- how to handle this, but I can't. I try, but I can't. So I'm done!" I spat at him, I wanted to stop. I wanted to stop shouting and just bury myself into his chest, but I didn't. I couldn't.

I wanted to leave before the pain in my head escaped. I spun to open the door, but Enoch got there first and blocked my way.

I whipped my arm out to the side, and without touching him, I sent Enoch stumbling back. I felt every drop of blood in his veins, every drop of water in his body. My hands trembling when I flung open the door and walked out. Behind me, I heard him exit his room, and stare into my back.

In a blur, I grabbed a gas mask and went out into the dark with the others. Jake and I locked eyes for a split second, his bright blue ones darting from my face to my unarmored hands. Miss Peregrine checked her watch, then started to play the record. Enoch had just joined us, I hastily pulled on my mask and the reset began. While planes whirred overhead, tears trailed down my face. I felt fuzzy, yet so very aware.

When I next snapped back to reality, the bomb was falling. Falling, falling– then it stopped. Jacob was on the ground, hands uselessly protecting his head. The rain froze in its place, then rose back into the clouds, and the sky changed colors.

Everyone removed their gas masks and headed indoors, I could hear Jake and Emma talking behind me. I wondered if Jake was staying the night. Walking passed Miss Peregrine quickly, and aimed for the stairs. Reaching the hallway, I was stopped.

"Explain. Now." A tense gruff voice demanded, but I wasn't going to let myself look at him. Enoch had one hand on the wall next to my head, and his eyes were locked on me.

"Explain what?" I murmured, squirming slightly. Every part of me was screaming to walk away as fast I could.

Enoch suddenly lunged closer. The hand on the wall lifted, then slammed down again, the sound rang in my ear. "What's going to happen if you can't control it?" He hissed, I was slightly scared of his sudden aggression.

"Miss Magpie's home for unstable peculiars." I whispered, voice breaking.

Enoch stepped back from me quickly, running both hands through his hair stressfully.

"Why didn't you bloody tell me!" He growled. I was surprised no one had confronted us about the noise yet.

"Don't be angry with me." I couldn't hear my own voice anymore, my head was pounding too loudly.

"I am angry with you! And I have a good reason to be angry at you!" He was pacing in a short line in front of me, his strong hands tensed.

A sniffle caught my attention. Claire's golden curls wobbled along with her bottom lip. Enoch exhaled through his nose, then attempted to say something to the little girl. I didn't hear what he said, because I was speedily walking to the bathroom door. Entering, I closed and locked the door behind me.

My eyes stung with yet another cascade of salty tears. I leaned heavily against the door, chest heaving along with the pain in my head. The skin on my forearms felt tight, like they desperately needed to burst to let pain escape. My fingers were numb when I reached for the scissors on the sink top. I felt paralyzed, a familiar feeling, where I had no say in what I was doing. I could only helplessly watch from above.

Dragging the cold metal edge of the scissors across my skin felt like a relief, an escape for the beads of blood inside. The cuts were just above the crease of my elbow bend, one for each arm. With every shiny pearl of red that exited me, I felt myself getting lighter. The images of Claire, Jacob, and Samuel all got fuzzier.

My mind was void of control now, I wasn't in there anymore. Leaning over to the faucet, I started running the bath. She