That Peculiar Feeling | Mphfpc ~Enoch O'Connor~

Chapter Forty

My eyelids were heavy, but I pulled them apart. My bed was warm, but I was cold. Enoch was at the side of the bed, staring at me like I was going to disappear.

"Enoch." I whispered, my body not allowing me to make a sound any louder than a mouse. I just wanted him to tell me I was ok. An enormous wave of guilt washed over me. Not about anything in particular, just everything. The next thing I knew I was completely enveloped by his arms, he was squeezing almost to the point of pain. I wanted to hug back but the weight of the gauntlets on my hands was too much.

"You, are such a-" He breathed, pulling away to stare directly into me. His gaze shifted onto the marks on my arms, then back up to me, furrowing his eyebrows and pleading for an explanation. I could barely support my head up to look at him, I felt drained from simply waking up.

"I messed up, again." Every word hurt, and my arms were tingling with pain. That wasn't what I wanted to say, but it's what he heard.

His face tightened when it left my lips, and he stood up quickly.

"That wasn't messing up, Eden. That was dangerous." He looked back at me sternly, when I simply stared back blankly, he ran a hand through his hair.

"Do you not get that?" He retorted. Stepping over to gesture tensely at the wounds on my arms, the concerned look in his eyes had faded to one of frustration. "That's hurting yourself. You nearly died Eden."

"I- I didn't want to." I stuttered.

"Then why did you?" The tinge of venom in his voice unnerved me.

"It wasn't me Enoch. It- it was–" My voice broke, but I forced myself to gulp down the tears that were welling. My hand unconsciously raised to my head.

"You nearly killed yourself!" Enoch responded, his voice suddenly turned to a shout. He seemed angry at himself more than me, his hands were clenched into fists. "And now you might be sent away? Why would you keep that to yourself?"

"But I'm alive. And I'm begging you, be honest with me." I used the last of my strength to try and hold back my sobs, but it wasn't enough. I shook my head as I spoke. "Do you really think they'll let me stay? Because I don't want to do this anymore Enoch. I can't."

He looked at me, and sat back down next to the bed. His hair was a mess, and in the dull light of the bedside lamp he looked more handsome and human than I'd ever seen him. "You wanted it so badly. Don't you want to try?"

I didn't reply, but I raised my eyes to look at his.

"It was never going to be easy." He said, his voice low and calm. My tired eyes never left his face while he spoke.

"It's going to be really hard– and we are going to have to work at it everyday." He kept pausing to run his warm hand over my own one, melting away a small bit of pain with every stroke.

"But I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever. You and me, everyday. Ok?" His gaze was hopeful and firm. He wasn't giving me the option to give up, wasn't going to let me go without a struggle. I knew that I could give in, I could leave to go to Miss Magpie's, and maybe get helped. However his look of complete hope and persistence decided for me.

Without a word I reached for his forearm and gently pulled him down so that his forehead rested on my own. My body seemed to unclench and I could finally breathe how I wanted to. Four days, four days until the rest of my life was decided. But those four days didn't seem as daunting anymore, because I wasn't alone.

...

I awoke with a groan, Miss Peregrine had begun unwrapping the cloth that was covering the gashes on my arm. They burned like the fires of hell, I was desperate for something to quench the sizzling sensation. I heard a the clink of a porcelain jug, then a cool rushing feeling replaced the pain. I let out a audible sigh of relief, and all the tension seemed to let up for a second.

Glancing down at my arm, I saw the remaining drops of water clinging to my skin. My eyes seems to pulsate in their sockets lightly, and my vision crystallized. I shook off the intense focus, it seems to happen whenever I was near the liquid. However, I was glad of it's coolness.

The gashes already looked and felt better, they were smaller than what I remembered. Miss Peregrine then started to speak, to which I tried my best to listen. I wouldn't look at her though.

"Jake said he would return today. Emma suggested you older ones go to the beach." She suddenly stopped and sighed. Making me flicker my gaze to her face.

"I know it's hard Eden." He brought her hand and stroked my head, brushing the hair back from my eyes. "But think about it. Miss Magpie could help." She pursed her lips when I rolled away to face my bedroom wall. I listened to her clean up and shut the door as she left.

I was alone with my thoughts, rolling onto my back, I stared at the ceiling. I knew that there was a glass of water on the nightstand, without even looking over. I twitched my fingers inside their metal encasings, and closed my eyes.

The stream of liquid filled the locking mechanism of both gauntlets.

Click.

...

I left my room only when I heard the children's excitement. Jake must be back.

I decided to dress as happy as I wanted to feel. Adjusting my loose yellow sundress, I made sure that the three quarter sleeves covered the marks on my arms. I tied up my hair in round bun that my dance teacher taught me to do for performances. Then finally I pulled on my brown combat boots and decided to grab a pair of dark sunglasses to hide the circles under my eyes. I was planning to go to beach with the others, but was going to be wary all the same.

"Eden!" Olive greeted from the other end of the hallway, then proceeding to run up to me excitedly. Emma was at the end of the corridor too, Jacob floating next to her. While Olive questioned my as to why I was out of my room, I noticed Emma whisper something to Jacob. He blinked and nodded quietly.

Out of nowhere, Enoch seemed to appear behind me. Emma approached and gave me a sweet smile. "Do you think you'll come to the beach with us?"

I resisted the urge to look at Enoch, of course he wouldn't want me to go. So I nodded yes.