Selene's New Moon

It's Complicated

  It turned out that Aiden's outburst was just the first sign that the stress was getting to us.  Tempers had become short.  There was a lot more sighing and dirty looks going around.  Nothing major had happened; just minor annoyances.  Like Kenji crashing into Dwyer with a bowl of tomato soup, Owen misplacing a book that he was sure was moved by someone else... Bram was back to his snarky self as well.    I tried to stay out of everyone's way and kept quiet most of the time.  Currently, I have some free time so I am sitting on the couch reading one of the mythology books that Owen had left on the end table.   The guys are all scattered doing there own things. It is kind of nice having a little time just to myself.   It has been three days since the accident at the lake and I was really hoping that we would figure something out,  or that something would just happen- so that some of the tension would be released.   Don't get me wrong,  there is still no where else I would rather be than here with my guys.  

  That's another thing that was contributing to my stress.  'My guys'?  I was now thinking of them as mine ,  and the funny butterfly feelings in my stomach when close to any of them had not gone away either.   I can't help but feel like one of those heroines in the stories I use to read at a home.  They seemed to have fluttery tummies a lot, especially around a boy that they..... Oh.   Do I like -like the guys?  I can't like them all, can I?  Oh, this is a mess.   I am pretty sure that you are only supposed to like one person at a time right?  Maybe it's just because I have had so little contact with people in general?  This can't be good-  this doesn't make me a good person does it?  Maybe it's another side effect of working with them closely with their gifts  and sharing power?  It made us all feel closer to each other-  these feelings are probably just a extension of that..  That has got be it!  I will ask Bram next time I see him to be sure. 

  "Hey cutie pie,"Dwyer says with a smile as he walked into the living room.  He is in a pair of soft looking jeans and a blue t shirt.  His hair looks damp, so he must have just got out of a shower.  I return his smile. 

  "Whatcha reading?" he asks and he settles close to me on the couch. 

  "Pandora's Box, " I answer as I close the book and place it on the table. 

  He takes my left hand into one of his  and whispers,  "You don't have to stop."   

  I shake my head. "I just finished reading that story.  I don't want to start another one just yet."

 He is staring down at my hand in his.  I take a moment to look at his face.  He looks so tired and a little unsettled.   I think he is under more stress than the rest of us.  He had mentioned earlier that he is seeing some of his visions on repeat at night. 

 "You ok?"

 "Yeah.  Yeah, of course," he answers quickly, but the smile doesn't seem true.   I feel my mouth frown in response .   His smile drops. 

  "Actually, can I just hold you for a bit?"  Dywer sounds hesitant... unsure. 

  How could he think I could deny him such a simple thing?  Or anything  for that matter?  I lean into him and wrap my arms around his torso.   He seems to startle a moment but then relaxes into me as he wraps his arms around me.   I guess that is to be expected.  I have become much more comfortable with their touch,  but I still don't initiate it a lot.  He relaxes even further and then presses his face into the crook of my neck.  I can feel his chest expand and contract as he breathes.   He takes a really deep breath and then suddenly he loops an arm under my legs and I am being pulled up onto his lap.   It seems to cost him no effort to move me.  I tense for a moment out of surprise,  but then relax back into him.  I don't know what to say to further comfort him, so I just stay silent and continue to hold him firmly.   I can smell the body wash from his shower, and the dryer sheet smell from his shirt.  I can feel his breath on my neck.  I wonder,  does he feel a tickle in his tummy as well?  Dwyer pulls me even closer into him with his right arm which is wrapped around my waist.  I feel his left hand move to the back of my neck.   His hands are firm,  but gentle and warm.  My breath hitches a little at the new intimacy. This feels different from the cuddling I have experienced with the guys so far.  It feels like..... more.  Does Dwyer like-like me too?  No, he is just upset about something... The butterflies in my stomach start flying faster as his left hand moves farther up to cup the back of my head.  He lifts his face out of my neck a little and his breath tickles my ear lobe.  I don't know when my arms moved exactly, but my finger are now clutching his shirt at his chest.  I feel a little shaky.   I am supposed to be comforting him, but he is making me breathless.   Thankfully, my reaction to him must not be too obvious yet.  He hasn't said anything or pulled away from me yet.  I don't want to make him uncomfortable.  I hold my breath as his fingers then pull at the hair tie holding my hair in a messy bun.  His fingers are now tangling in my loose hair.  My hearty races as his nose traces back down along my neck. I can't seem to get enough air now...I lift my head out of his chest and then re-position it so that my chin is on top of his shoulder.  I try to seem normal,  but I know my breath is ragged now.  A low groan comes from Dwyer.  Did I just heart him?  Maybe his legs are going numb with me in his lap?  I should probably move,  but I really don't want to.  I try to relax the death grip my fingers have on his shirt.  I flatten my palms and lower my hands a little.  Dwyer's stomach muscles clench under my finger tips and he releases a little a gasp into my neck.   I try to push away from him a little in concern.  Did he get cut or hurt during practice today?

  "Don't go," he pleads.  I am confused.

  "But...  am I too heavy?  Did I hurt you?"  My voice sounds strange.  His grip on me slackens a little.  He allows a little space between us so that he can look at my face.   He seems a little confused and his eyes search my face for something.  I can feel the blush rise on my face. 

  "... No, you aren't hurting me." he whispers.  He takes a deep breath that seems to shudder through him.  I frown in concern.  What isn't he telling me? He leans his forehead on mine.  "Selene,  can I k..."

 "It might be best if you don't."

 Owen's stern voice scares the crap out of us both.  After we both jump out of our skins,  Dwyer pulls his head back from mine to look at Owen.  I twist around a little to see him too.  Owen's mouth is pulled in a straight line. His posture is rigid,  his feet seem to be planted firmly in the ground about shoulder width apart.  He almost looks... angry.   Did we do something wrong?  

  Dwyer's voice is challenging ,  "I wasn't asking you." I look back at Dwyer in surprise.  He is tense all over now.  His eyes don't leave Owen.  The tension increases.  The air almost seems to crackle. 

 I hear someone else enter the room, but I am afraid to look away from Dwyer at the moment.   

  "What's goi....      Oh."  It's Aiden.    "Yo  Kenji!  I need you here a moment."  It is only a moment before Kenji walks in but it feels like forever in the tense silence.    

  "Hmm?"  

  "Why don't you take Selene and see if she can help you check the alarms and traps again."   It isn't a question,  but Aiden is trying to keep things calm.  He wants me to leave the room.  I go to move off of Dwyer, but Dwyer doesn't release me.  

  Aiden barks, "Dwyer!"  It is a command.  Dwyer releases his grip and I stand up shakily.  I don't make eye contact with anyone as I walk towards Kenji.   The room is uncomfortably quiet. 

  "Come on Hime, lets go have some fun," Kenji says as he takes my hand.  I let him lead me out of the room and into the kitchen.  Felix walks into the kitchen from the back porch. He smiles at me , but then quickly frowns. 

  "What's wrong?" he asks Kenji.

  "You know that thing you and I were talking about?  It's happening, " Kenji answers softly.  I can tell he is trying to keep his voice light and happy.  

  Felix's eyes widen a little  "Aiden?"

   Kenji chuckles just a little,  "No,  he is acting as the voice of reason at the moment.  Maybe you should see if he could use some help?"  

  "Of course,"  Felix says , then he smiles at me.  "No worries Dear,  it will get sorted." He pats my head  as he walks past me and into the living room.  Kenji and I walk out the back door.   

  "What happened?" he asks.

  "I don't really know, "  I answer uneasily.  I don't know why he is asking me, - It sounded like he knows more than I do at this point.

  "Just tell me what happened in the living room with Dwyer, and more importantly,  how you feel about it."  He is still holding my hand as we walk.  There is no anger or accusation in his voice.  It is just Kenji- wonderful Kenji.  

  "I think.....  it's complicated."

It's really short , but its something...