Cowgirl Up Three ✔️

Chapter Sixteen

I woke up to our room still in darkness.
My eyes felt red raw.
My throat felt as rough as sand paper.
My heart felt like it had been swallowed down into the depths of my stomach.
Swallowing thickly, I rolled over onto my right side, searching out Blayze's sleeping form.
My heart awoke from its hiding place and lurched into action, kickstarting into a sprint.
His side of the bed was empty.
I pushed myself up into a sitting position, straining my ears for any noise.
Zeus' soft snores could be heard from the lounge room, but that was it.
My heart beating a little too fast, I pushed the sheets aside and crawled my way out of the bed, going across Blayze's side that was hardly warm at all.
He'd come to bed with Me, I remembered that much.
But has he not stayed?
Did he not want to sleep next to Me anymore?
Was Luka, Brodie or Dale awake?
Why hadn't I heard them?
I stumbled a little on my sleepy feet and made my way out of the bedroom.
There were no lights on down the front section of the house to indicate Blayze was up with one of the Kid's.
I paused at Brodie and Dale's room and poked my head in, to find them still sleeping soundly.
My heart beating with a little relief, I moved on down to Luka's ajar door.
Poking my head inside his room, I found He too was still sleeping soundly, having rolled over onto his stomach just like his Daddy.
Now I guess I have to find Blayze.
I continued on down the hallway and into the open plan area of our home.
All lights were indeed off, as was the TV.
Frowning, I moved closer to the back of the lounge.
Did Blayze come out to sleep on the-?
Nope.
The lounge was empty.
My heart once again began to beat faster inside my chest.
We had a couple of other room's upstairs, one of which was furnished.
That was Tameron's room.
I was nearly 100% positive Blayze wouldn't have gone up to Tameron's single bed to sleep.
A thumping tail against the padded substance of the large Dog bed the Dog's were supposed to share caught my attention and I turned my gaze down to find Zuke and his white paws and chest sprawled out on the bed.
Usually Azlan and Zuke share the bed, Zeus preferring his armchair of a night.
Azlan was nowhere in sight.
Oh no...
Biting into my lower lip, I turned on my heel and header back down to our bedroom.
My only option left was to hope Blayze had his phone on him.
And that he answered when I called.
I couldn't exactly leave the house to go looking for him.
Nobody else was here to keep an ear out for the Kid's!
I found my phone on my bedside table and quickly found Blayze's contact.
Lifting the phone to my ear as the call connected, I prayed he'd answer.
A buzzing noise caught my attention.
I turned around to see Blayze's lit up phone screen on his bedside table.
Well shit...
A storm of tear's building in the back's of my eyes, I took my phone from my ear and ended the call.
Turning around to sit on the edge of our bed, I tried to breathe deeply.
He didn't take his phone.
Azlan too is gone.
He probably wants some space.
Several large, hot tears splashed onto my cheeks.
It quite literally stabbed at my heart to know he'd disappeared on Me while I was sleeping.
Yet a part of Me understood that I couldn't expect him to just cop this news on the chin.
I lifted my feet to set my heels on the bed's frame and wrapped my arms around my knee's.
My lit up phone screen informed Me it was 4:11AM.
I didn't see myself finding sleep again any time soon.

Blayze

Although my body felt burnt out, my mind just wouldn't switch off so I knew there was no point in trying for sleep.
I worked under the lights in the machinery shed, attempting to fix yet more problems on Heath's beat up old Hilux.
With times as tough as they were and him now having a Daughter, I knew my Brother wouldn't be able to fork out for a new car any time soon.
Azlan laid on a ripped up old horse rug in the corner, not too far away, his chin resting on his paws and his intuitive eyes on my every move.
I had no clue what the time was because I'd felt my pockets and didn't have my phone on Me, but when I could hear some action in the farm yard I guess I'd know it was time to go back and wait for the Boy's to wake up.
And see how Bailey was doing.
My spanner slipped on a bolt and my hand hit the side of the motor, a stinging sensation in my knuckles informing Me I'd probably split skin.
I shrugged it off and set the spammer back onto the bolt head.
Just thinking of Bailey's smiling face, her blue eyes sparkling, had my heart just about feeling like it was being ripped straight out of my chest.
For what felt like an eternity, but had realistically been a few hours, my brain had been spinning around the notion of what we now faced.
I had no answer's.
All I wanted to do was lash out and hit people.
But I wasn't supposed to do that.
I was a Father four times over, even if I didn't meet Tameron until he was four and a half.
But maybe while Luka, Brodie and Dale were too young to understand what was going on I could let my fists fly and let off some steam.
"You realise its only gonna be thirty four today right?"
My hand slipped, which caused the spanner to slip and my right hand once again smacked into the engine block.
"Fuck!"
Although the physical pain was currently welcoming, I threw the spanner aside as warm blood trickled out of my first knuckle.
The tool hit the shed wall and a metallic clattering sound echoed all around me before the spanner hit the cement floor with a tink but thud.
Azlan whined and came cautiously closer and closer to my side, his head and his tail hanging low.
I braced my hands on Heath's car's bull bar and hung my head, trying hard to just breathe in and out.
Lukas...
He doesn't yet know what Bailey and I do.
I'm pretty sure nobody else does, except maybe a Doctor or two.
He might be like family to Me, but Bailey's his Niece so it's not my place to fill him in.
Unless She asks Me to.
Except Lukas knows about some of the hardest shit in my life, so how the hell am I meant to keep this from him?
The scuff of a boot sole on the cement floor informed Me that Lukas was coming closer.
"Did... somethin' happen with you and Bailey...?"
He asked seemingly cautiously.
He had good reason to use caution.
Lukas Harley has seen Me at close to my worst.
Right now I'm a terrified ticking time bomb.
My throat felt entirely thick, but I was going to have to give Lukas something.
He loves Bailey so much...
This news will crush Lukas.
Kylie too.
It will break Isaiah and Grace.
"I'm not-"
Stupidly, as a grown bloke of twenty seven fucking years old, my throat closed up and no more words would work.
Even I could hear how choked up I sounded.
I squeezed my eyes shut, keeping my head hanging and gripped Heath's bull bar tightly.
I just wanted to rip the god damn bar off the car and throw it across the shed!
But that wouldn't happen.
Bolts and brackets had to be undone first.
"Go home and talk to her, Mate."
Lukas urged.
"Trust Me, I know how ya feel right now."
Well I was pretty fucking positive Bailey wouldn't have told Kylie or Lukas what was going on yet.
Kylie probably wasn't even awake yet.
Refraining from giving anything away to Lukas, I just gripped the bull bar even tighter and squeezed my eyes shut as firmly as I could.
Don't break Blayze...
I silently coached myself.
Bailey needs to decide when this news is shared...
"Kid's keep ya awake."
Lukas reasoned.
Kid's?
He thinks I'm out here because of our Boy's?
I nearly scoffed, but somehow managed to swallow it down, quite literally biting my tongue.
"People say stuff they don't mean when they're physically and emotionally exhausted."
Lukas continued.
"Just go home, put the kettle on and give her a hug, even if neither of you is sure if you've calmed down enough or not."
He was right about one thing.
Who knew how many more times I might be able to hold Bailey in my arms?
I opened my eyes and used one arm, then the other to wipe my stinging eyes.
Time to go home, even though my heart seem's to not want to stay inside my chest.
Hopefully Bailey hasn't even noticed I'm gone yet and I can just sneak back into bed.