It's raining again. I figure it's not surprising since that's how I've been feeling; muggy, dark, down. But I wouldn't ever let anyone know how unhappy I am. I wouldn't want to trouble anybody. I glance at my reflection in the mirror. I stare at the bruise before adding foundation on top, careful to hide it.
My hands shake as I grab the bills on the counter and head out the door. It's been three years since I've been in this... relationship if that's what you'd call it. My boyfriend, Joe, gets a little violent sometimes but he's been under a lot of pressure. His job was hard, his boss was always on him for something, I struggled with work too, I was recently laid off. Since the jobs were difficult, income was slow. Joe leaves me a certain number of dollars per week to spend on things such as groceries for the two of us.
It was a small amount of money. Since he was a large guy, when I cooked meals, I'd always put nearly the entire meal on his plate, leaving just a small portion for myself. I was always hungry but had learned early on that it was far better to be hungry than to do anything that would trigger his anger.
He's a big, meaty guy. He has started to gather a beer belly already from all the alcohol he drinks. As terrible as he can be a small part of me still loves him. The part of him that's kind and charming. I don't see it often but when I do, it's surreal.
