Out of her league

Chapter 25

Tanya's POV

I found myself wiping the hot tears that escaped my eyes. This wasn't good. "Tanya, please listen to me, give me a chance to explain-" "I don't want to hear anything," I don't wanna be tricked by you again. I tried to slam the door on his face but it didn't work; he was pushing the door on the other side. Oh god, why can't I be stronger? "Go away," I intended to shout but it came out as more of a muffled cry. Why are you so weak? "Tanya, just give me one chance... please? I was stupid and I was not old enough to know it, just give me some time to explain to you and prove to you that I have changed...." his voice still hasn't changed. The gentleness... I gave up. The door slowly opened and I met his grey eyes once again. His eyes wasn't welled up with tears or anything. But it was the way his face had that sadness and regret written all over it that broke me. He attempted to hide his regret and look blank. But it never works with me. He closed the door behind him before speaking up again. "Tanya, I swear I have always loved you but my friends didn't like you and I stupidly thought that I had no other choice but to pretend as if I don't like you. And I know, everything is my fault and I can't change anything. I mocked you and told everyone about your confession and made fun of it although I actually liked you back... but I swear I did not spread any rumours about you... it was my friends.. but I should have made them stop it... but I just wanted to feel accepted by them," he finished.

Really? This is the excuse he could come up with? Does he know what I have been through? I couldn't control myself anymore and before I knew it, I found myself holding a fistful of his t-shirt and pulling him closer. " SERIOUSLY? THAT WAS THE MOST PATHETIC EXCUSE I EVER HEARD! DO YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH YOU IDIOT? PEOPLE THOUGHT I WAS A FREAKING SLUT!!! A SLUT. WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE TO YOU,HUH ? Now you tell me," my index finger reached to his chest a bit too harshly and I continued, " Do you think I am a slut? Was I desperate? Was I the one who started talking? Or worse, started asserting myself on you? Me?" And I broke down.

I must look like a joke to him. Sitting on the floor and leaning my back on the wall while holding my legs close to my chest. I felt so... naked. As if I opened the whole of myself to him. I don't like this feeling. I feel like I am left unprotected. I realised I unconsciously hugged my legs closer to my chest and rested my chin on my knees. "Tanya, I know I can never change the things that happened between us. But what I do know is that if I had the choice of doing so now, I would definitely change the things and make things so much better for you... you can't possibly love me like you did before and you probably hate me... although I still do have feelings for you. You haven't changed much, your beautiful black hair," I was planning to look up and glare at him when- my heart should stop beating so rapidly. He was on his knees and just inches away from me. He leaned closer and his fingers reached out as if he wanted to touch my hair. Oh god, help me. His expression changed into a frown and he retreated back. Oh. I probably looked like I was afraid of him. Or maybe I was actually afraid of him. "I know we can never be in love like those days but.... can we ever be friends?"

Stupid heart. Still trusting him. " I need some time alone, please?" I dared to take a glance at him. I probably look so horrible with all my crying. Ew. Puffy cheeks, bloodshot red eyes, maybe even dry lips and traces of teardrops. He looked broke too. This time his eyes were a bit welled up and his lips showed a hint of quiver as he bit his lip. He looked at me with a mixture of emotions. Like he was angered at himself. And yet sad about missing something. So broke. Just like how my heart felt.

And just like that, he left the room.