Out of her league

Chapter 31

Tanya's POV

" Do you want to go get a drink?" Josh asked me. The club wasn't very crowded. Just a few people here and there. "Well you can drink, I don't want to," I replied. It was true that I didn't want to because I never ever wanted to drink. But today I was so tempted to drink cuz I couldn't stand them being together. I just couldn't stand it. I know it's wrong, I shouldn't feel that way. But I just do and nobody can change that. Maybe I was just too attracted to him and couldn't stand him being with another girl. It's just infatuation, nothing else. What will they be doing now? They are probably enjoying themselves, you know like kissing each other and stuff. Dizzy was what I felt. Trying to understand this emotion and also trying to hide it while repressing the anger and jealousy boiling inside me. And above all... sadness that what I dream of will never happen. Because he was so much better than me. And he deserved more than me.

"Okay follow me," he smiled while heading to the seats by the bar. We sat and he ordered some unknown drink fro the bartender to make but I didn't even bother listening to it. "Are you sure you don't want anything? Not even a fruit punch?" He tried again. "No," I sounded angry but that wasn't intended. He just looked taken aback but his expression changed pretty fast. Where were they? "How's life?" He was trying to start a conversation with me but he shouldn't even be trying. I mean I wasn't even looking at him and it should be quite obvious that I am not in the mood to talk to him. "Fine," I replied with curt. I wasn't even meeting his face. I can't even see them. "Don't worry, they will probably be enjoying themselves," Josh spoke up. This time I looked at him to see his glass empty and he had a weird smile on his face that seemed... different. I turned away. That was too... awkward. The way he was looking at me.

Then I saw them. Sidd drinking with Dahlia. He was lost in his thoughts and Dahlia looked like she was desperately trying to get his attention. She stood up from her seat and moved towards him. She placed her hand on his chest while he was still lost in himself and probably alcohol. I can't see this. No. what are they doing? I felt hot tears threatening to fall from my eyes. I don't care about them. I. Don't. Care.

      And then his eyes met mine. The various coloured lights in the club illuminated on his face as I could feel him looking right through me. It felt like he was digging for emotions in me. But I can't show what I feel. I looked away. I wasn't going to look up. Just no. I wasn't going to- but I looked up anyway. And then I saw it.

They were kissing.

       The tears finally escaped my eyes as I looked away again. He said he didn't like her. HE SAID HE DIDN'T LIKE HER. WHAT IS GOING ON????!? He was nothing but a liar. He played with me. He played with her. And I was just one of his chess pieces in his games. What am I talking about? I wasn't even in a relationship with him. I have no rights over him. He can do whatever he wants. But they were kissing. He kissed her. They... they... OH god why can't I stop crying? Just stop. My heart felt heavy. My feelings were being played around again. What now? So that day when he did that to avoid Dahlia? It was a double game, wasn't it? What a smart move. Making her jealous and trying to make me fall for him at the same time. Wow. Just wow.

      " Josh, I want to drink alcohol. The strongest one," I had to drown this out. I shouldn't care. And I won't after drowning this feeling with alcohol. Josh had probably drank a few cups and he didn't seem to know that I was crying. He took a moment to realise I was talking to him and asked me to repeat it again, with his weird smile again. His eyes were drooping and his head was randomly bobbing up and down. He ordered a drink and I quickly let the sour and bitter drink flow through my throat. There was a burning sensation that almost made me forget about him. But no, that image still flashed in front of my eyes. What a liar. A cheat. "You are assuming everything" NO I WASN'T how did I believe him? Another round. My head was spinning. I was floating. Everything felt lighter. But he was still there on my mind. Another round. I want to forget him. Forget my feelings. Another round.

      "Angel, let's go to some other place alright?" Josh slurred. His eyes held some secret motive that I couldn't recognise, or more of I did not bother to recognise it. "Why? What's wrong with this place?" I want to drink. "Just follow me Tanu," that was the name he called me. "No," I snapped but he grabbed hold of my wrist and pulled me along. I couldn't get away from him. I felt so dizzy and weak. Mentally and physically. What now?