Out of her league

Chapter 3

As much as I wanted to sleep, I just couldn't. It has been a long time since I felt self-conscious. Usually, I don't really care about my insecurities because I don't feel the need to impress anyone. But with him, everything is changing and it hasn't even been one whole day since he had arrived. I feel so conscious of how I am going to look in front of him and it's making me feel like a clown. Because what's the point of looking good for him? I was not trying to impress anyone. I don't have the need to impress him. Then why do I think about impressing him? Idiotic infatuations. I am so confused with my conflicting thoughts which seem to be clouding all of my mind now. How long am I going to tolerate this? I peeked at my baggy shirt and loose sweatpants. I must have looked like a loser in front of him. How do I always manage to make a fool out of myself?

  And it would be a lie to say that I was only attracted to him because of his appearance. There was just something about him that screamed honesty and trust. But I didn't even know anything about him... Don't believe in liking someone at first sight because even the one that I liked after supposedly knowing a lot about him, turned out to be just a hallucination. This was also definitely one of my hallucinations and I need to immediately get it out of my head.

  As the thought of embarrassing myself in front of him continuously played in my mind, I decided that I should probably go out and get some fresh air.

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I entered a small 7 eleven shop to be welcomed by the sight of a grouchy woman in her mid thirties, looking like she would rather do anything than to be a cashier. Her red eyes were drooping in sleepiness but she was trying her best to be awake. The automatic bell on the door rang upon my arrival and her eyes narrowed down on me. She looked like she was going to murder me. But I didn't even do anything! I glared back at her as I placed a packet of banana walnut bread and a five dollar note on the counter , waiting for her to bill it. She glared back at me and mumbled something along the lines of "disturbance". What did you just say?!?! She finally handed me the change and replied with a "Hope to see you again" and a sickly sweet smile. Idiotic people, no one has to be that rude for no reason. Oh yeah? Hypocrite.

  Most of the shops were closed unless they were going to be open for twenty four hours and the chill air of the night was just amazing. I wouldn't call it a gentle breeze... it was just unique. Chaotic and yet serene wind. The beauty of the wind had finally taken me somewhere far away from my insecurity monsters picking and prodding into me. But they will get to me sooner or later. I still can't pinpoint when I started having this much insecurity and anxiety. But it scares me. This guy has only entered in my life for like a day and I find myself feeling so vulnerable. What is wrong with me? Am I shallow? I let the thoughts carry me away again as my insecurity started questioning my naivity.

  Right as I was about to turn around to go home, I saw a shadow behind mine.

I was shit scared, and that was the understatement of the year.

Time to unleash my athletic potential. Definitely not the time for sarcastic humour.