Out of her league

Chapter 59

Flashback

But before I could continue, his hands reached my cheeks again. "Tanya, look at me. Look into my eyes," his grip firmed but was still gentle. Don't. But I looked up again. To find him looking at my lips. And before I knew it, his lips crashed on mine. I couldn't think. His lips were soft. So soft. His hands reached up and started raking my hair. Need evident in the way his fingers firmly combed through my hair. His lips trying to invade mine with continuous determination. Killing me with the gentleness. And I allowed him while my hands made its way around his neck, reaching up to grab and feel the smoothness of his hair. This was too far. Too much distance between us. What am I...this was exactly what I yearned. The touch of love. His lips tasted like sin. A lethally delicious mixture of wine and chocolate, as his tongue went on exploring its way through my mouth. His scent making me drunk and shrouding the last of my sane thoughts as I settled myself on his lap. One of his arms snaked around my waist, pulling me close. I pressed myself onto him, like he was the most precious gift I could ever get. As if he was the beautiful star to my dark night. The peace that I was searching for but also the chaos that I would always want to create. And then he stopped. Our foreheads were touching. This time, I dared to stare back at him. Trying to find if he went through the same whirlwind of emotions that I had gone through. And then he said it.

"Don't trust love, but trust me."
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I stared back at the chocolate depth of his eyes once more; they held truth. Memories of my scarring past, filled with every people who ever belittled and took away my self esteem, bit by bit, flashed into my eyes. But they merely seemed to be a past that will never happen to me again. I felt perfect all over again. As if no damage was ever done to me and my self esteem. My insecurities disappearing with the scorching fire of truth in his eyes. He made me feel like I was perfect. Beautiful, even. His eyes staring into the depths of my soul with passion and admiration. The intensity sent shivers down my spine and made me feel confident and yet unsure. Unsure of whether his eyes were speaking the truth, or merely making up some stupid lie that was so skilfully disguised as a truth. And yet, my heart had already been exposed without my consent. The walls inside of me slowly crushing down, leaving me vulnerable to his actions and decisions. And then I felt another teardrop escaping my eye. A gentle kiss was placed to wipe my tear away and then I knew it. My heart had already slid out of my control. It had already started trusting him wholeheartedly. What do I have to be afraid of now? I was afraid of trusting and revealing my feelings to him, only for it to be taken as a joke again. But I realised something. I trusted him enough to express my feelings and vulnerability through the kiss. I had already trusted him enough to leave my emotions exposed for him to see. There was nothing to lose now.

"I want us to be more."

But before he could say something, I just ran away. I have had too much to handle and do not want to make any more decisions. My ability to think was already long gone.
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