Out of her league

Chapter 58

Tanya's POV

I watched as all the colours in his eyes disappeared in an instant. I could sense red hot fury brewing in the depths of his eyes and his fingers twitched. He looked down and he narrowed his reddened eyes at me again. I couldn't look at him. I had to turn my glance away. "Look at me, what are you afraid of? Me? You don't trust me? You have been with me for almost a month now. I really don't understand. I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm only asking you to trust me enough to take our relationship a step forward. Dating? Or at least a close friendship? How would this work if you are so afraid to even get to know me?" He questioned. I felt my conscience prickling me slowly, inch by inch. "You have never told me anything. But I know that you keep everything to yourself and would rather prefer to be alone because of your insecurities. I could never understand that but okay. But now I told you that I like you despite all your insecurities right? What's wrong? I like all of you, even the ones that you deem as your insecurities. Why can you not accept me? What can I do to prove it to you?" He continued as his hands held my shoulders and shook them. I had no answer to that as I stared at him out of helplessness.

"I loved one guy and he broke my heart into pieces. I gave him a chance to mend it back and he may have made it worse. I don't love him anymore. But my heart is still broken. I don't know what it needs to be normal again. I'm not afraid of you, I'm just afraid of ever having this relationship thing again. I don't know if my heart can handle everything; the feeling when it falls too deeply and when it gets broken yet again. It's not you that I don't trust, it's love," I replied. His lips sealed into a thin line and his jaws twitched. And then his expression morphed into one of pure sadness. He looked down, finding a meaning with the whole situation, trying to grasp on to what I said. His eyes then peered back at me again. "You know this is unfair," he more of questioned.

         But before I could continue, his hands reached my cheeks again. "Tanya, look at me. Look into my eyes," his grip firmed but was still gentle. Don't. But I looked up again. To find him looking at my lips. And before I knew it, his lips crashed on mine. I couldn't think. His lips were soft. So soft. His hands reached up and started raking my hair. Need evident in the way his fingers firmly combed through my hair. His lips trying to invade mine with continuous determination. Killing me with the gentleness. And I allowed him while my hands made its way around his neck, reaching up to grab and feel the smoothness of his hair. This was too far. Too much distance between us. What am I...this was exactly what I yearned. The touch of love. His lips tasted like sin. A lethally delicious mixture of wine and chocolate, as his tongue went on exploring its way through my mouth. His scent making me drunk and shrouding the last of my sane thoughts as I settled myself on his lap. One of his arms snaked around my waist, pulling me close. I pressed myself onto him, like he was the most precious gift I could ever get. As if he was the beautiful star to my dark night. The peace that I was searching for but also the chaos that I would always want to create. And then he stopped. Our foreheads were touching. This time, I dared to stare back at him. Trying to find if he went through the same whirlwind of emotions that I had gone through. And then he said it.

"Don't trust love, but trust me."