Out of her league

Chapter 36

Tanya's POV

     I don't know why I said that. Alcohol. My knees felt weak. Everything in me wanted to give up, I was so tired. Peeking into his deep brown eyes which looked beautiful up close; from his perfect sculpted nose to his jaw; those eyebrows that could express emotions; everything found me a reason to not give up. To not give up on loving someone. Loving him. I don't want to wait anymore because he had replaced Josh' place long ago, I just did not want to admit it. I will probably regret this tomorrow. He probably thought I was shallow for loving him in just a few weeks and maybe also thought that I was too ugly for him. He probably hates me, but I don't care because no matter how much I run away from the truth, I can't escape from the fact that I do love him.  The regret that I never told him will break me more than him breaking my heart.

       This is definitely the alcohol in me. What am I doing? Doing the right thing. He looked taken aback. After a few moments of peeking into my eyes, he abruptly let go of me. The soothing warmth left me, leaving me exposed to the cold and hard truth; he will never love me back. He took a step back. His eyes were welling up now. Why? He was frowning and his face turned red.

"Tanya, I am not Josh," he was gritting his teeth as he said that.

"I know you are not," you were never Josh. Who said so?

"Don't mess with me, I know you are kidding." He was trying to smile but he couldn't. He was biting his lips from quivering.

Those lips. Those lips that I wanted only for myself. I was so selfish and greedy. I did not deserve them. Dahlia is pretty. She probably deserved it a lot more than me. But I want them too...

How dare she felt the way his lips tasted? Isn't it supposed to be mine? He isn't mine. I don't care I want to taste them too.

       I felt myself nearing him, inch by inch as he started to back away. "Tanya," he gulped while looking at me. "Tanya don't. I know it's the alcohol, I am not Josh. Don't do things that you will probably regret tomorrow," he was backing away. Why doesn't he get it? He was replaced by Josh way before. He was my Josh now, he was whom I loved. "What are you talking about? You are my Josh now," and with that I let my fingers rummage through the roots of his hair and pressed my lips on his. He did not respond back, but I just wanted to feel his lips. The sour taste of alcohol mixed with a unique sweet taste... it couldn't be described.

        He pushed me. " I said I wasn't Josh," with red eyes and clenched fists, he stormed away to his room. Leaving my heart to slam on the cold hard floor.