Accidental Avatar 3: Totally Lit

Don't Shut Me Out

Muteki walked into my chambers just before midnight. He was always coming in, wanting to talk. I rolled over, showing him my back.

"Can't we talk anymore?" he asked.

I said nothing.

"She wouldn't want you to do this."

I curled up into a tighter ball. Even he couldn't bring himself to say her name yet.

"Mogui, you're...," he heaved a sigh. "Why are you doing this to yourself? It wasn't your fault."

He could talk. He could remember Amaya. He could remember who she was—our lives before we came here. With Amaya's body, I buried all my hopes of getting back my memories. Without her, I couldn't hope to regain everything I had lost. She knew my history better than Muteki or Jin do.

"You think I don't care," Muteki growled. "But I do! I can't just sit here and watch you waste away! When was the last time you ate?"

He gestured at a plate, still full of whatever had been served for dinner.

I rolled over to look at him now.

"You can't keep on like this," he seemed to plead.

"This isn't just Amaya," I said.

It felt strange—my first coherent words in over a week. I had to clear my throat.

"It isn't just Amaya I'm mourning," I said. "I've lost everyone I've ever known, and she was my only connection to them for so long. I've only known about your existence for the past few months."

I rolled over again. "Everyone I know is dead."

"Don't turn your back on me again!" Muteki shouted. "Talk to me! Tell me what's wrong!" 

He grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me round to face him. "Don't you Dare Shut Me Out!"

So I punched him. He took it like I expected him to. He head-butted me in response. Blood trickled from my nose, and I stood. An obvious swing for his face was blocked and followed by a fist in my ribs. It hurt like nothing else. My attempt at a spear tackle ended with me face down on the floor.

"Stop It!"

Muteki froze with a raised fist. Jin blocked the door.

"Stop it, both of you!" I could feel her anger. 

Her frustration.

"Mut, out."

Muteki turned his back on me, obeying the girl.

"Well, Aang is awake," he said as he walked through the door. "Thought you should know."

His footsteps echoed as he thumped away. I could tell he was still angry. With me, with Zuko and Azula... With Amaya.

"Why did you do It?" it wasn't an accusation. 

She knelt next to me, a hand on my scarred back.

"I'd rather have a broken body than a broken mind," I responded.

"But do you have to break our hearts too?" she asked. 

Patting me on the back, she stood and let the question hang there as she left.

Eventually, I rolled over and sat up. My head spun, and blood had dried into my pathetic excuse for facial hair. I touched my face. Not broken... but I should still get Katara to check me out. A concussion is the last thing I want... but maybe it would help me forget my pain...

A broken mind? Or a broken body?