circa 3:00 AM.
moonlight is peering from behind the curtains,
illuminating our cabin room just enough for me to see.
i fell asleep across two chairs,
your friend's blanket draped over me.
it's freezing,
none of us could figure out how to get the heat on.
i tell myself to suck it up,
just fall asleep and it'll be morning soon enough.
circa 3:30 AM.
the chairs are uncomfortable,
but the beds have already been claimed.
i try to walk, but i'm too loud, and i don't want to wake anyone.
i try this again three times.
i get back in the chairs, and tuck the blanket around every inch of me.
it felt like you.
circa 4:00 AM.
fuck it.
it's freezing, and i don't know i love you.
i get into the bed next to you,
nearly falling off the side.
you curve your body around mine in your sleep.
the big dipper and the little dipper.
i caught a glance of your face when i got in bed.
it cannot be written into poetry.
you put your arm around me,
draping over my stomach.
our hands interlaced as my eyes closed.
this what love feels like
this is what it is to be loved.
circa 6:00 AM.
dawn's light shines through,
bathing our room in enough light that the lamps needn't be on.
you're combing your hair in front of a mirror,
and we make eye contact in it as soon as my eyes open.
when you held me in your arms,
and held my hand,
i thought it was only instinct
for you to just put your arm around the person next to you.
i thought it was only instinct
for you to hold hands with the person next to you in your sleep.
but one shared look at you that morning,
and it hit me that you were wide awake.
circa one year later.
i've almost made it an entire semester without you.
i miss your laugh.
no, i miss your presence.
that empty chair at the table continues to haunt me every now and then.
i didn't realize i loved you until it was too late.
and i know you loved me too.
