what if the ocean we drowned in
wasn't an ocean, but a pool of our own tears?
what if the person that stabbed us in the heart
wasn't just anyone, but our own reflection?
does your reflection turn to stare a hole through the back of your head
when you turn around?
do you hear a voice in your head when you're trying to sleep at night
telling you to drown?
do you hear it telling you
to give up now
do you hear it telling you
to give in to the waters
it's a smooth ride down
but you don't have your life jacket on
and the instructor isn't waiting for you
to get on the raft
built from your own sweat, tears and blood
they're going to go
with you or without
they'll leave you to drown
in these waters of your own creation
what if these tears i'm drowning in are my own?
what if these waters aren't tears, what if it's blood?
what if this blood isn't mine, what if it's his?
what if this blood isn't his, but her's?
what if this blood isn't her's, what if it's her tears?
what if these tears aren't her's, what if they're mine?
there are two types of people:
the ones who drowned
in a sea of their own tears
and the ones who drowned
in a sea of their own blood
and a few years ago
i might've said i was the one
that drowned in their own tears
but that girl is dead
i buried her corpse among the stars,
respectively.
but it's 2018
and i'm bathing in my own blood
and if the way i survive
is by drinking my own blood
and carving out my insides
then that is how i survive
because if there is one thing
i raised myself to know
it's that you should never
be sorry
for what you had to do
to survive.
and if killing myself slowly
is how i survive
if dying
is how i survive
if i told you
that dying
is how i survive
would you understand?
if i asked you why
the voice in your head sounds familiar
would you understand?
if i told you i've died
many times before
if i told you i've lived
all my lives
if i told you
i've lived my nine lives
would you believe me?
if i told you who i am
and what i was
would you believe me?
would you trust me?
would you be afraid?
if i told you
that i survive by dying
would you understand?
if i said,
amethyst necklace
would you understand?
if i said,
centaurs
would you understand?
if i said,
jewels
would you understand?
if i said,
radar
would you understand?
if i said
i am the human embodiment
of the universe
would you understand?
if i said
that i suffocated on air
would you understand?
no.
