and so what happens
when you stop caring?
does the city sleep at night?
do the lights dim as you take your last breath?
do the curtains close in sync with your eyes?
does the red of the roses have the same palette of your skin?
what happens when you stop caring?
is someone going to swoop in and save you?
will there be someone there when you pull that trigger?
drag that blade?
swallow those pills?
will there be someone there to stop you?
will there be someone there to rip these things out of your hands and tell you there's more to live for?
will someone knock you out themself just because it's better than what you're about to do?
will there be someone to catch you?
is there a net beneath you?
is this the rehearsal or the performance?
do you know?
will you be the trapeze act
swinging between life and death
hovering above fire?
will their fingers slip as they let you drop
no net beneath and no excuse?
do you know?
what happens when you stop caring?
what is there to stop you?
who is there to stop you?
and so what happens when you're suicidal but you've pushed everyone away?
will you fall onto the net at the last second
or will you fall between the squares,
cutting and fracturing and shattering into pieces
spilled out and lied upon this stone floor?
and your body went cold as you closed your eyes when your head hit the floor, right?
it won't be as bad, right?
that is why it's terrifying when you stop caring
because you no longer have anything
or anyone
left to stop you
and when there's nothing to stop you
how tempted do you become?
do you give in?
do you hear him laugh as your eyes turn red, brimmed with yellow?
beer brimmed white,
foaming at the mouth
the sheep's gone full wolf
and red is dripping from its maw
it speaks and you pretend to not care
you pretend to not care but gods you do
you knew it was there and you chose to ignore it
you chose to be knocked out for the rest of the night
because that's how it is, right?
just anything
anything
to escape from this fear
right?
