and i'm trying to keep this feelings suppressed
i'm trying to keep them under control
but i'm sorry
i can't
they're growing around my heart
constricting with every tear that falls onto my shirt
they're wrapping around my head
twisting and twisting
hoping one day there's going to be a snap
and i try and i try
to keep these beasts under control
i'll fight them and i'll fight and i'll fight
but i'm sorry
i really can't
my hair is being pulled out
and the emotions are wrapping around my body
like vines wrapping around an old building
growing in through the boarded windows
growing, surviving between the cracks
sprouting from the top
and consuming
they're shoving themselves down my throat
making their way to the organ that's most valuable
and they'll squeeze and they'll squeeze
until they get one tear out
and then they'll squeeze and squeeze
until i scream,
please, stop! stop this! this isn't what i wanted!
and then finally
they will break down that dam
and it won't be... it won't be poetic
it won't be a girl being cradled by her boyfriend
it won't be mascara running down your face silently
it won't be sliding down a wall crying
it won't be someone kissing your scars
it won't be silent
it won't be pretty
the dam will break
and the tsunami will arrive
breaking down everything in its path
ravaging through the towns and cities
leaving broken bodies in its wake
and at the heart of it all
at the storm of it
will be me
me, with water suffocating me
flowing down my throat, filling up to the very top
and then it'll overflow and overflow
and it will still
overflow and overflow
destroying cities and people
wreaking destruction and havoc
on this world
and it will continue
to overflow
long after i am gone
long after i am gone
you will still not be able to be saved
because that is the truth.
it's what they won't tell you in the fairytales.
because peter pan was a demon
because cinderella's step sisters cut off their toes
and pigeons devoured their eyes
because aurora's prince charming was already married
and she was woken up not with a sweet kiss
but with the birth of her twins
because belle had siblings who intended for her to be devoured by that beast
because the witch that poisoned snow white
was fated to dance in heated iron shoes until she fainted and died
because ariel's legs felt like she was walking on knives
and her prince charming married someone else
because mulan lost the war
and her father was dead and her mother remarried
and she killed herself after wanting to be with her father
because rapunzel's parents were cruel
a witch locked her in a tower
the prince was thrown from said tower
and spikes entered his eyes
because pocahontas and john smith
didn't know each other quite well
and long story short
she died of unknown causes
because hercules was poisoned by his own mother
and did terrible, terrible things
because quasimodo starved to death in a cemetery
because pinocchio never became a real boy
because mowgli killed himself
shall i go on?
because the truth
is that there never was a happy ending.
those terrible, dark endings
were twisted and contorted
and they had you convinced
that happy endings were real
and because i'm a poet
i'm supposed to convince you
that there is happiness
hope
light
but this is reality
and in reality
the blood was never shimmering in the moonlight
it was never accompanied by their tears
it never stained the perfect bathroom floor
because this is reality
and in reality
it was just red.
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edit: i'm not even kidding i don't remember writing this
