i look into that collection of photos every once in a while
and suddenly i'm unable to breathe
something heavy sits on my chest—
a scale
on one end there's a feather
on the other is my soul
it's aqua and azure,
it mimics an ocean
it's shallow when you begin to dive
but go farther and there's sinister things
they lie in the deep
in the pitch that no one ever swims out to.
parents will tell their kids,
don't go too far
parents will tell their kids,
stay on the bank
parents will tell their kids,
don't lose your footing
parents will tell their kids,
don't get caught in the current
but if you've got something to float atop,
you'll be fine right?
if you've got something buoyant,
you'll be fine right?
right?
if you can swim, you'll be fine, right?
yes, if you can swim faster than the shadow beneath you
yes, if the buoyant something doesn't get ripped away from you
yes, you'll be fine
if you can swim
and some grow gills
but if you can breathe beneath the waves,
why would you ever leave?
if you have gills and can swim,
you'll be fine, right?
right?
you can have gills
you can swim
but you'll get too curious
and you'll dive down farther
and farther
you've crossed a line you weren't ever supposed to step over
you've gone too far
the surface is getting smaller
the floor is getting closer
something glimmers from the corner of your eye
no, it's baiting you
but you don't know that.
so in your foolishness you follow the pretty light
because although you haven't been down here for long,
the darkness is still just too dark
and you follow the glimmer
and you find a bright place
it shines for so long that you begin to think,
i can stay here. if i've got this little light with me,
the darkness is okay.
but then, then it's too late.
it's too late for you, it always was, you had to know that right?
right?
you had to know you were being lead on, right?
you had to know that warmth was too hot to be true,
right?
you had to know this was only a beautiful lie, right?
you knew that was hellfire, right?
and the truth is, yes.
yes you did.
you know what you're getting into
and although it burns,
at least it's warmth.
right?
because often the reason we float down into the dark abyss
is because of desperation
desperation to finally
even if just for a few seconds
feel the fresh air above the water
feel the sun kiss our face
because desperation comes in the form of a little ball of light
for even if you finally wash back up on that shore
your throat will forever burn from the saltwater
and your mistakes will always be at the foot of your bed at night.
oh but then some time in the future you'll dip your toes into the water again
and again, you will not notice the shadow below you
and you scream
but it was silent
because yes, you're apparently wiser now
so you must've figured out
that the rawness of your throat
was not from salt
but from the screams that were ripped out of you
as something sharp pierced your skin
and you grasped for consciousness
but they only laugh
because you sunk along time ago.
but, you had lifeboats, right?
you had life vests with you this time, right?
you would not sink again, you said, right?
that's funny.
y'know, some things are only given life
because they're meant to die
it's funny.
because you're the titanic
