once upon a time,
i met a girl who helped me.
she encouraged me into social situations instead of forcing me
and brought out the best in me.
i remember her laugh being like the embodiment of a partly cloudy day
i remember her crooked smile and i loved it
i loved every part of her, every jagged fragment and every rough edge
she painted my dull world into hues of fuchsia and cherry and lemonade
i was her canvas
and with her, i became beautiful.
she painted with her words,
a skill that is tough to hone.
i can tell myself she never cared for me much
but out of all the people she could be with
within the four hours before she left state
she chose me.
and i will never forget that.
but her hair wasn't just blonde
no, never
it danced along the rays shining through the windows
and hung in her face
it reached farther than her shoulders
and her eyes were like molten chocolate
on halloween, not valentine's day.
she was such a fucking dork
and i loved her.
once upon a time,
i fell in love with something
that i could not have forever
and it ruined me
the clouds did not stay parted
and the luminescence of the sun was snuffed out
the pitch clouds rolled in
and rain began to pour onto my world.
thunder struck
and lightning boomed
i cut myself on her jagged fragments and rough edges
i tried to stop the bleeding but people began to take note
and i had to hide it
i had to watch in somber silence
as the extraordinary colors became un,
nothing but ordinary red and pink and yellow
everything was sucked dry of color
of light.
like a vampire watching its paling victim
feeding onto
latching onto the horror scene before it
the paintings were smeared
they weren't dry yet
and the images became blurred and incoherent
nothing like before
i said she painted with her words.
well, i became a saddening scene of grays as she said she loved me with her eyes
that hair was not a beautiful gold
it became the color of the sunshine from another
that now burns my skin
pain aching in my bones when i walk
my skin contorting and twisting with each
movement
once upon a time
i burned alive
it was just us.
we walked side by side to the playground
of our old elementary, and shared the water bottle.
it was june and the sun was blazing.
we climbed over the metal fence.
we walked quietly over the pavement of the basketball court
and heard the crunch of the mulch beneath our feet as we reached the swings, metal nipping at our skin as we brushed by.
you climbed up into one of the bright yellow slides.
we sat near the entrance way to the slides and seldom spoke
singing instead, listening to the music from each of our devices.
funny, we had the same taste in music, save for your love of hamilton.
and as we sung together for one last time,
i understood the meaning of euphoria.
once upon a time
i was happy
